Saturday, June 30, 2007

No, I Am Not Dead

I am now one of the UNDEAD. Anyone ever see Evil Dead*? Remember the cabin from that movie?
Oh—you haven't seen that movie? Hmm. Did you ever see the Disney flick from the 70s, Snowball Express?
No? Well, perhaps that one was a little vague. All I can say for myself is that I saw it on daytime tv a bunch of times as a kid (and I have never forgotten the cobwebs or the raccoon in the...oven? of the old hotel).

Let me try one more: Have you seen The Money Pit with Tom Hanks?

What's with all the movies? I am trying to make a point. Poorly, but what the hey. I'm tired.

What all of these movies have in common is a wreck of a house. And that is the same thing that has been keeping me off the Internet. See, the place we've moved into is a bit of a wreck. Trainwreck. Shipwreck. Imagine the Titanic vs. the Hindenburg at a demolition derby.

Yep. But that's what happens when you take a place sight unseen because the rent is cheap.

Don't feel sorry for me, though. I've been enjoying it. Every day is a new adventure. For example, I found a spider in Jake's toy box yesterday. The silly little thing thought he and his ten thousand buddies could live in any and every corner of this house. Um, no. Even if I do feel sorry for them because they all have hacking coughs (former tenants were three-pack-a-day smokers), and even though a spider with a hacking cough is pretty pathetic, I have been killing them by the truckload. Jeff warns me that the Spider Godmother may try to seek revenge, but I don't believe in Spider Godmothers (though sometimes I can hear something large bumping around in the crawlspace under the house, and sometimes I feel as if something is...behind me?...nah).

One of my favorite things about this place is the doorbell. When you ring it, instead of the ubiquitous "ding-dong," we only get the "ding." Jake loves to ring it, and then I like to ask him, "Jake, where did the 'dong' go?" He thinks about it for awhile and doesn't say much until his dad gets home, then loudly announces, "Daddy, I got no dong!"

(Sorry for the lowbrow humor tonight—I'm tired and somewhat loopy. Between painting, weeding, and corralling a now-napless Jake, I've lost a sense of what may or may not be appropriate. Like telling my landlord he really ought to shove a @#$#*& up his @#!!#@ and then #$#@$#@ the @#$#@ monkey's @#$@#! with a #@$#@ @#$#@$ %^&^*!!! Well, I know that is inappropriate.)

The thing that worries me is that there is a hole somewhere in this house that is sucking up all my free time. How am I supposed to have computer time with a time leak in the house? Sooner or later I'm bound to patch it up with all the other holes. Someday.

And Happy Fourth of July.

*I'm not a fan of horror movies. At all. But there are a few exceptions, though Evil Dead isn't really one of them. Now, the third movie in the series, Army of Darkness? Yeah. I enjoyed that one. Long live Bruce Campbell! But if you really want humor + horror flick, try Shaun of the Dead. I really enjoyed it (though there was one part that made me a wee bit nauseous). And for those of you who are Evil Dead cult classic purists, did you know that there is now a musical production of Evil Dead for the stage? I'm not kidding. Really. Go and see.