Happy Birthday to Me

That's right. Today (okay, tomorrow, but I probably won't get a chance to get on here tomorrow) is the day that I hit a new decade. I am now

Yip-a-freakin-yee.

Really, thirty isn't that bad. Mathematically*, it's a smaller number than 29. Watch:

[3 + 0 = 3] < [2 + 9 = 11]

[3 x 0 = 0] < [2 x 9 = 18]

[(3)⁰ =0] < [ (2)⁹ = 512]

And here, 30 manages to stay positive when 29 folds in to the pressure and goes all negative on you:

[3 - 0 = 3] vs. [2 - 9 = -7]

See? 30 wins every time!
I feel younger already.

What I normally would do on a day like today is make a big batch of something chocolate and make friends eat it with me, but since that’s not working out this year (I tried shoving the chocolate muffins into the computer, and though I have chocolate smears all over the screen, I still can’t get the darned things to upload—and now Jeff just walked in and is wondering why I’m licking the computer screen. I also tried to stuff them into envelopes and mail them, but they just wouldn’t FIT, and the mailman threatened to call Homeland Security if I tried to make him deliver them), I had to think of something else.

So, I’m going to share with you some of my favorite ways to waste time on the Internet.

• The first site, speaking of muffins, is an old favorite of mine, and now Jake loves it, too.
• Or if muffins aren't your thing—perhaps you prefer chickens—you may enjoy reading about Mike the Headless Chicken.
  
• I go here anytime I need to laugh. You don't have to know who homestarrunner is, or what strongbad is—it just doesn't matter. Just click and enjoy.
  
• If you are a Simpsons fan, this is a huge waste of time and mostly stupid, but I put it on anyway because of the telephone in the living room.
  
• Have you ever wanted to play God? I mean, have you ever wanted to create a creature and then screw up gravity and see what it does to your created creature? Then this site is for you. (Click "soda constructor.")
  
• Do you use Chapstick? How 'bout Carmex? Natural Ice? Any kind of lip balm at all? There’s something you need to know…
• Or play a round of "guess that dictator…or sitcom character" with a computer. Huge waste of time, and yet, I always play more than once.
  
• If you are a Harry Potter fan, and just can't stop squealing for joy anytime someone says "Deathly Hallows," perhaps you'd enjoy this little movie.
• If you are a Monty Python fan and you enjoyed the Silly Walks sketch, do waste about fifteen minutes here and send me what you create (muskadillo at hotmail yadayadayada).
  
• If you are interested in freshening up your insult skills, visit this site.
• And if you just want to stare at weird and freaky interactive eye candy, try this site. Weirds me out every time.
  

There. That's more than enough ways to waste your time. Really wish you could be here to enjoy these muffins, though...

*I may never have mentioned this, but math wasn't exactly...er, my best subject. I hate that there was only one right answer. Life isn't like that, so what gives math the right to be so priggish? One right answer, indeed!