My House Is Attempting to Eat Me Alive
"Where have you been?" the masses* want to know.
Well, I've been busy. It's not like I want to be this busy, it just happened.
My house is trying to eat me alive and I am attempting to ward it off. Or, perhaps, I keep thinking if I ignore it, it will go away. (Note my stance in the picture I took today: I am very calmly puffing on my pipe, giving no heed to the roaring beast behind me.)
Our "handyman" has been MIA** since July, and things have been sitting around and remaining broken. They refuse to fix themselves, I don't know why. The interior walls are painted, perhaps, but not the trim. Jeff washed the yellow window in the back room, but the room still smells like the Public Restroom for 100 Cats That Had Too Much To Drink. The yard is still a Dandelion Jungle, even though I have pulled my own weight in weeds.
And every day, the house has more new complaints.
"Wow, you're not done painting yet?"
"My carpet is dirty. You'd better vacuum me again." (And since it's new, cheap carpet, it gives the vacuum hairballs every five minutes.)
"You know, all those unpacked boxes in the garage aren't going anywhere. I mean, they're just sitting there. Aren't you going to unpack them sometime?"
"Did you know my fireplace hasn't been cleaned in twenty years?"
"Oooh, the dishes are dirty again! I know, I know, put them in the dishwasher that sort of works! (snicker)"
And life goes on. The cat needs someone to trip, the boy wants food and walks and trips to the park, Jeff still expects to be fed, and then there is that new calling-thing...there just isn't room for it all. And so I'm sitting at my computer in a state of FIRM REBELLION and attempting to thumb my nose at the house (when it's looking the other way, anyway).
*I flatter myself. A lot.
** "Mutton-like inebriated ape." Or was it "murky in attendance"? I can't recall what this initialism means, actually.
12 comments:
My poor little hobbit. What a heavy burden you have to carry. I forgive you for leaving me bereft and lonely on the internet. I am sending you good-luck vibes from afar. Can you feel them?
I wouldn't fuss about the dandelions. They're pretty, and you don't have to mow them.
Godspeed in your daunting quest. Remember that the fate of Middle Earth depends on you. And dinner does, too.
MIA-Mutual Improvement Association
It's true.
Yeah Elizabeth, I bet the handyman is at Young Mens.
If your house is attempting to eat you, you need to tie it up and sit it on the couch until you are ready to fight it. Sure, you won't have any shelter, but it IS summer.
You look a lot like Frodo! I didn't know that about you...
My house looks like a tornado. My children have decided to live in their swimsuits. So, at any given time the fancy will strike them to put their suits on and they leave their clothes where ever they are at. I have dirty clothes in ever room of this house. Ask me if I'm gonna do anything about it today... go ahead... ask ;)
After five days of houseguests, one of whom was a seven year old boy who attracted mess like a magnet attracts...ummm...magnetic stuff, I am so overwhelmed.
So of course I'm sitting on the computer reading through the 95 blog posts I missed this weekend. =P
hi dear wynne: you are too cute as always. the liked the ape acronym. clever.
MIA = Mercy In Answers ... Magnificant In All things ... Makes It Awesome (you do) ... Marvels In Amazement ... Mighty In Assurance .... so many
having really rough day, tell me you love me anyway, take care, grateful
I keep coming back here because of my very strong Muskadillo fetish.
Want to know about the Infidel house? Sure you do! I saw an episode of Extreme Makeover Home Edition, and I was like, "Whoa their before house is a lot nicer than our right now house!"
Hey Wynne,
You (and anyone reading this) are invited to join in on a "My Favorite Things for Fall" package swap. See my blog to find out more!
http://funakifam.blogspot.com/
Lindy
Sorry about your nightmareish house! Glad that you were able to sneak away for a few minutes to feed the hungry-for-more muskadillo adoring fans!
where is my comment that I posted a few days ago. Ugh! Stupid blogger. Any how move back to Vegas and you won't have to worry about your house eating you alive, well other than eating away all your savings because it is so dang expensive to live here.
With Janeen now moving we are going to left in the lone wilderness. What am I to do? Move? I can't until after May when John graduates. I should throw myself a pity party. Would you come to my pity party?
wynne: you are so great. thank you, your good mail arrived today, your card and what you wrote was so cool, sweet, and funny, too.
thanks for bringing a bright spot to my day today.
you rock, kathleen/grateful
wynne: your card is still making me smile. you are so awesome, you know that?
~happy Sabbath wonderful you, kathleen/grateful
ps. word verification reminds me of botox. thought you'd like that. knowing that, not getting it.
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