LDS* Overdose

*No, that's not a typo. If you have no idea what it could mean, perhaps you are not LDS?

When I started this blog, I had no idea that All Things Mormon were going to seep out of me. I mean, hey, I know that I'm housebound, my contact to other adults is a little limited, and those I do see are mostly from church, but really—doesn't my life extend beyond the boundaries of my church's social system?

Apparently not.

Since I do not wish to alienate any of my non-LDS readers (assuming I have any at all, that is) I have thought about constructing a glossary of LDS-related terms to explain strange concepts such as "enrichment" and "LDS." It would probably only succeed in confusing people, but that might be fun in and of itself. Whee.

I had this really cool idea that all you would have to do is roll your cursor over a bit of bold text like this: Relief Society
...and presto! The definition would pop up in a little box for your enlightenment!

Or, rather, I was going to. I had some different ideas, but every time I found some code that would work, blogger shot it down. Why, blogger, why? So I just have to use footnotes, like always. Boo-hoo.

I recently received a new calling1 from the Bishop2. He asked me if I would be willing to be lead guitarist3 for our ward4 Christian Rock band. Since I don't play guitar, and there is no Christian Rock band that performs in any ward I ever heard of, I told him he might've made a mistake. He said he didn't, so I said okay.

While I was up on the stand strumming my guitar, watching the congregation wince and plug their ears with their fingers, I really, really wished I had accepted his first offer: to be the Enrichment Counselor5 in the Relief Society Presidency6. Which just goes to show you how desperate this particular ward is. Me? In a position of responsibility? In a position in which other women look up at you either as a role model or a subject for criticism? Something seriously wrong with this picture. And to think, I thought I could leave Enrichment7 behind in Vegas.

1. Temporary job in the church. Of course, I have known someone to have the same calling for over 20 years (as a member of the choir). I kept wondering why someone so tone-deaf and who had no enthusiasm for music kept showing up week after week...
2. A man who has far too much to do. At least he only has to do it for 5 years or so (he hopes).
3. Okay, I made it up. As far as I know, this is not a real calling, and hopefully, will never be.
4. A congregation that lives within certain boundaries. The whole world is mapped out into ward boundaries at this point, so if you are not a member of this church, do you know what ward you're living in? Beware! They are knocking on doors to find you!
5. My current calling (I'm not really ward guitarist).
6. Three women who have far too much to do. At least they only have to do it for 5 years or so (sigh).
7. The Bane of My Existence, because it will not leave me alone. If you want to know more about it, I've posted about it before.
8. Ha! There is no 8! Just checking to see if you were paying attention.