Another Contest
*CONTEST OFFICIALLY OVER*
Have you ever found yourself pestered by insensitive family members, neighbors, or even strangers asking impertinent questions, such as, "So, when are you going to get married?" when you don't even have a prospective spouse on the radar?
Or, once you are married, "So, when are you going to start a family?"
Or, once you have at least one child, "So, when are you going to have another?"
Or, once you have several, "So, are all these kids yours?"
Are you tired of people not being able to mind their own business? Well, I've decided to host another contest here at my blog to help. Proudly presenting:
All you have to do is add your favorite comeback to any of the above situations* to the comments section**. You can enter as many as you like, you can say whatever you want to say—really, there are no rules. Heck, I don't even want to put a deadline on the contest—let's just see how far it goes until it peters out, shall we?
There will be prizes, however. (Can you say "gift certificate" and "chocolate"*** without drooling?) All you have to do is make me laugh hard enough that I wet myself.
And if you want to put a link on your blog for this contest (like the one I have in my sidebar), here is HTML copy-and-paste so you can add it in a snap:
*Or any other annoying situations you have encountered. I'm not gonna be picky.
**Since this contest was inspired by the comments of Elizabeth W, Jill, and Marie on the Also Not About Flooding post, you three can already consider yourselves entered in this contest. However, feel free to enter again, and again, and again, if it amuses you.
**For those of you with New Year's Resolutions to "be good" as pertaining to food, I promise that a choice of a more...er, healthy reward will be yours, should you win.
CONTEST WINNERS:
Lindy
Mammajam
Elizabeth W
You will be contacted; prizes will be sent.
love,
wynne
41 comments:
I SHOULD have used this when I was single...
"So, when are you getting married?"
In 1 year, 3 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 8 hours, 19 minutes and 37 seconds...36...35...34...
And what I SHOULD say now when people ask if we are going to have more kids...
Yeah, you know, I think we will. We should start on that right now. HEY HUBBY! These guys suggested that we have another kid! Let's go home and give it a try!
My favorite for people who ask when you're going to start having kids is,
"We're saving up for a boat."
When are you getting married? as soon as I get pregnant, I don't want my kid to think we didn't sacarfice for him.
When are you going to have another baby? Oh, are you consider donating me your eggs(or sperm)?
Also said by me, for real, to someone asking me about when I might be getting married....
As soon as Utah allows Lesbian weddings.
Said by me last week at the ATandT store: Hi. My husband got me this new phone for Kwanzaa and I need to have you transfer my data from my old phone to my new one.
I don't know why I did it. Just to see if I could do it with a straight face. It's a bad habit I have of saying weird/quirky things just to see if I can get by with it.
Once my FIL asked us about when we'd be having kids and I told him I was still trying to figure out how the babies got in there in the first place.
Being married to a NoMo leads one to be asked a variety of questions, such as "so, elizabeth, when did you join the church?" "When I was baptized by my dad the day I turned 8. How about you? Were you baptized on your birthday, too?"-- but my favorite was when the ward mission leader who had been my bishop in a previous ward asked me if Shazzy and I had been married, what, 4 years now? (um, how about 10?!--we DO have a 7 year old, you know).
Sorry this is getting a little long ...
I hope you don't wet your pants b/c then you'll blame me and then I won't win the prize. I, unlike some freaks of nature, don't believe in setting up Jewish-like food restrictions and the beginning of the new year.
"So, when are you going to get married?"
~With a flirtatious look/manner~ When are you going to get divorced? ~Waggle eyebrows suggestively~
"So, when are you going to start a family?"
Hee hee. I started last week. Shhh. Don’t tell my husband. I want it to be a surprise.
"So, when are you going to have another?"
When my uterus returns to its previous shape. Wanna take a peek and see how it’s coming along?
"So, are all these kids yours?"
Damn. I knew I’d get caught.
Those are great, Kim!
I heard a good one once:
"So, when are you getting married?"
When I get back from Chicago.
--When are you going to Chicago?
I'm not!
My favorite response to those people who spontaneously reach out and touch your ever-growing pregnant tummy:
"Yeah, so my boobs are getting bigger too. Wanna touch those?
I don't have any snappy comebacks but I would win the rude and nosey contest with this little gem I like to call "what I looked like seconds before my arse was kicked in"
Someone I had worked with for years heard I was pregnant and asked in front of many others , "Was this a "PLANNED" thing?
WTF, I had been married for 9 years. nine years.....Oh no i got knocked up by accident.
Anyway everyone around me gave her withering looks and quickly vacated the premises for my pending woop mass, but I was soooo dumbfounded my tongue was tied.
what should I have said? I still don't know
EW is killing me :)
I'll have to think about this one.
I still got nuthin'
My friend MommyJ posted about her comeback, and I'm sorry, I don't know how to do html for a link. So here's it.
http://mommysnark.blogspot.com/2007/08/my-first-example.html
Okay--I'm a little damp. Oh, heavens...
(And jean knee, I have faith in you. I'm sure you can figure it out, right?)
and glittersmama, I can't get that link to work, but I can tell you HOW to put a link in your comments....guess I'll have to look you up soon...
Okay - this is where I air the things I've SO wanted to say, but my mother taught me to be polite!
"When are you getting married?"
"Never, I'm a nun."
"When are you going to start a family?" "Hmm, hadn't thought about it - when are YOU planning to have sex next?"
or better yet just start crying and let them feel bad...
"Are all of these kids yours?" "No, I'm watching the kids for all the sister-wives today." (In Utah, that will shut people up faster than you can imagine!)
Why is it people think they have the right to ask such insensitive personal questions?
hi wynne,
i want to go on errands with elizabeth-w!
and i love western's sister-wives come back! hahahah
how about ...
why do you want to know when we are going to have sex next? could you not think of any better small talk? how are your hemorroids coming along? or how is hubby's ED (impotence) problem treating ya? teehhehheheheh i am giggling!
funny contest wynne. chow baby, kathleen :) xoxo
"No, I'm watching the kids for all the sister-wives today"
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
"So are ALL these kids yours?"
I know! Aren't they great? Everytime somone has a box of them outside of Wal-Mart I just can't resist their cute little faces peeking out.
or...
(oout of earshot of the kids, of course) They are all wretched, except for that one. The one in the middle is my favorite. The rest I'm sticking in a box with the leftover kittens.
Love the contest!
We have six and are often asked are these all yours?
My reply is always, heavens no! We have three more in the car.
We are also often asked if we are done.
My answer: I would like to be, but I just can't figure out where they keep coming from.
denise cracked me up :)
When people asked us when we were going to start a family I would always point to my husband and reply, "When I get the first one raised."
I have no idea why, but if the darling husband comes home from work and does not immediately see tiny baby faces peering up at him, he asks "Where are the kids?"
So far:
"They had dates"
"I let the boy take the car"
"I left them in the yard"
"They're in the kitchen cooking for us"
"Joined the Army" (snicker)
"You mean you didn't take them on patrol? Uh oh..."
I really don't get why he asks. I'm a little offended.
"Are all these kids yours?"
"No I am dating the big one."
^_^ That one I stole from Megan! HAHAHAHA!
My favorite was when my twin sister and I were little, and my parents were constantly bombarded by the question, "Are they twins?" (Duh. A little obvious just by looking at us.) So they started replying, "No, they're triplets, but one died."
Yes, ALL these children are mine, but I'm looking at selectively reducing.
i like this one with my parents :
"when are you coming home?!"
"when are you not gonna be there?"
When our aunt asked me when I was going to get married, I replied, "When are YOU going to get married?"
hi wynne dear,
who won who won??
pick me pick me!!
heehee
take care darlin!
kathleen
okay, the are they twins one got me.
We have boy/girl twins and when people saw them when they were little (keep in mind they looked nothing alike, not to mention that one was a boy and one was a girl.)
People would say:
Are they identical?
We would say, no, one is a boy and one is a girl.
Then (NO KIDDING!) they would say, well, how do you tell them apart?
My answer: Well, it's difficult, but when I am really confused, I open their diaper!
did I win yet?
Oh my word -- you guys are hilarious. I consider myself a pretty good snark, but I can't compete with this. However, I want to participate, so this angry and not-very-funny little contribution is the best I've mustered so far:
"Why aren't you married yet?"
"Actually, I am!"
"Really? To who??"
(whispered) "Um...ask your husband."
My friend Suzanne is one of nine siblings and her father is a nuclear physicist who has frequently hobnobed with the Washington elite. It was not uncommon for people to exclaim when he revealed the size of his family. Occasionally someone would tell him he was socially irresponsible to add so many children to the "overpopulated" world. He had two main comebacks:
"Look at my wife's legs -- could YOU resist that?"
and
"I'm repopulating the world in my own image. If that worries you, you'd better get started yourself."
I'll try to come up with a better entry. Is there a deadline? I perform better with deadlines.
I'll add to the twin one.
Once people found out we were twins they'd take turns asking us our birthdays. I'd say may 14th and than they'd turn and ask Kristine... Uh Duh! We are twins.
We'd make things up and say we were actually born 3 months apart, and people believed us.
Another question is, can you read your sister's mind? I'd say yea and than they'd ask what she was thinking and we'd respond by saying, she thinks you're really stupid, no we can't read minds!
The contest is still going on...so submit all you want. I'm thinking a deadline of February 14th...
Janeen, I'm your long lost twin because that is my birthday, too!
I just popped over from Lindy's blog (your "fan art" is great by the way).
A gal I know that is over 6 feet tall would frequently be asked if she plays basketball.
She would look at the questioner and say, "No. Do YOU play miniature golf?"
okay, so I am getting into this game late. I haven't been able to come up wit h good comebacks (or at least good enough to win). I will keep trying though.
I loved the last comment (miniature golf). That was hilarious.
And since Twins was brought up here is my favorite stupid converstaions
stupid person: can you feel what your sister feels
me: yeah. hit her.
person would hit Janeen
me: ouch that hurts. do it again.
they would continue to beat her thinking i could feel it. i am sure Janeen loved all the beatings she got as a result of stupid people.
now I am off to come up with some other great responses.
I love making up comebacks. I just wish I had the guts to use them. I honestly laughed out loud at Annie's comment about the triplets. Here are mine:
"So, when are you going to get married?"
A: Just as soon as your cute husband becomes a widower.
"So, when are you going to start a family?"
A: Just as soon as they go on sale at Walmart.
OR Just as soon as I can get that delivery boy to take the pizza into the bedroom.
"So, when are you going to have another?"
A: Well, we did... but we didn't like him so we threw him out.
"So, are all these kids yours?"
A: No, I just rent them for the shock value.
The one I always get is, "Are you you done having kids?" Or "Are you going to have anymore?" My new response (though not funny) shuts them up every time.
A: I'm not sure. What do you think I should do?
I think I am going to join this party. MY favorite....
Q: When are you going to get married?
A:I don't know "he or she" hasn't been born yet?
Q: Are you going to have more kids?
A: As soon as I get off the OJ diet?
Q What is the OJ diet?
A: Instead of baby makin I have a glass of Orange Juice.
Q. Are you having more kids.
A. Yes I am about twenty minutes pregnant now.
Q: what did you get me for my birthday?
A: A silver new nothing to wear around your neck.
Ok I have crashed this party enough.
I didn't read the others, so I don't know if I'm repeating, but here's what I've always wanted to say:
Are you going to have kids? (This is an especially fun question for someone with fertility issues...)
I'll invite you over when we're ready to try.
or
We were going to until we met your children.
or
I'm nine months pregnant with twins! Did you just think I was fat? THANKS a lot!
or
My husband doesn't have any sperm; hey, can we have some of yours?
or
My wife doesn't have any eggs; hey, can we have some of yours?
With six kiddos, and not living in Utah, I frequently get, "Are all those kids yours?"
I answer, "Yes, but I've got six more at home."
Followed with one of the following - "We are going for a baker's dozen." or "I just bring my favorites with me to the store."
My favorite happened again tonight -
"Are you having more?"
"No."
"Well, you better take care of that, you just never know." (Really? That might explain how we got the six kids in the first place ...)
"I have pictures of my tubal in my wallet, want to see?" (I really do have the pics, just not in my wallet, by the way, the Dr. let me take pics since it was after a c-section.)
Pictures of your tubal?! HA!
My friend, who is VERY white, just adopted a little black baby. She lives in the south, so the negativity toward it is twice as bad. But she has chosen to deal with it with humor. So she said that she is going to teach her son some fun things to say when people ask:
"Is she your real mom?"
"Yeah, but sometimes she burns things." OR
"Yeah, sometimes she just likes a little chocolate." :)
Why, oh why did I stay away so long?
I've been enjoying the blog in lump sums, which is nice though.
I actually LOL at Dread Pirate Magan's Walmart comebacks. :O
Thanks girls!
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