Friday, January 18, 2008

Why I Haven't Been to Your* Blog Lately**

(Contest still on, by the way.)

It's all Jeff's fault. See, he got me some books for Christmas. It surprised me, because I remember telling him that even though I enjoyed these particular books, I didn't have any particular desire to own them.

The books are actually a boxed set of threethe first two books I had already read, but I hadn't read the last yetand I set them in the back bedroom and pretended they weren't there.

My husband noticed. He wanted to know why, after having them for a month, I hadn't read them yet. Did I want him to take them back?

Sigh.

No, see, I was avoiding them for a reason. These particular books are DANGEROUS. Once you pick them up, you can't put them down again. But to appease the poor husband, I started with the third bookthe one I hadn't readdevoured it in two days, and then I went back and started with the first book again, then on to the second. Then the third book, again.

Dangerous Books

Then I went into mourning because I had read them all and there was nothing more to read, and I kinda...skimmed through them all again.

Pathetic. Now you know where I've been.

But wait, it gets worse.

I went online. Did you know that there are HUNDREDS of web sites dedicated to this set of novels? There are forums, chat rooms, fan-art sites, graphics, debatesit's everywhere. I still couldn't get the dumb story out of my head that I (cringe) did something I never thought I would do, ever: I made some (wince) fan art. I really, really can't believe I did that.

Inspired by what stupid Mike Newton said to Bella in Twilight

See? (Click for the full-size version. Actually, now that I see it uploaded here in the small version, it looks lousy. Please click for the better-looking version. Please?) And oh, there are more!

Also inspired by Twilight and the look Edward gave Bella when he was close enough to smell her for the first time

Tribute to Jacob's lost cause (sniff)

Tribute to Bella's stupidity in Eclipse

Another for all you lovers of Jacob Black

The worst part about all of this is I soooo don't have the time to be wasting on this sort of thing. But I couldn't help it! It was taking over my life!

I think that I'm finally coming out of it. The haze has lifted from my eyes. And I have decided that something needs to be done for society at large. These books are extremely addictive and cause people to obsess over them to an unhealthy degree. (Seriously. Go google the main character's names and see what you find.) The Surgeon General has been ignoring my phone calls and the petition I sent in to get these books classified as controlled substances (that S.G. is pretty hoity-toity, if you ask me), and so I have decided it was necessary to take the next step by myself. I have established an organization for those who wish to recover from the adverse effects of reading these books. See:


Please check in. No one here will bite you***. Or phase into any sort of beast. Together, we can recover from this debilitating addiction. Remember, only you can prevent forest fires, and in the words of *sigh* Edward Cullen: "Be safe."

*Meaning, quite specifically: the lady with the waistband of elastic, melissa the mejojac, insane kim (but she says it's temporary), carrottiest of all jell-os, NCS!!! ("nifty craft sack"), jean knee-jerk reaction, grateful to be kathleen, the dorkelina formerly known as pandy, the dread pirate...chloe?, and kristine. There. Now you know exactly who I have links to in my nav bar. Whee.

**Actually, if you hadn't noticed by now, I'm rather miserable about blogging
consistently. Life constantly gets in the way, and I let it, because I'm like that, and so is life, and blogging is just a hobby, after all. So my attendance on your blog will ALWAYS be sketchy. But it's not because you aren't loved. 'Cause you are loved. So take that and like it.

***Well, if they are really into the books, they might. But I promise that sort of activity will NOT be tolerated, and the bite-ees will promptly be bitten back by yours truly.

42 comments:

Kimberly said...

I don't care if you only blog sporadically, I keep you on my bloglines feeder thingy anyway...You? Are worth waiting for.

I'm so seriously contemplating taking those books off my To Read list though...oi!

wynne said...

No, really...um, they're good. They are just...um...well, they drive me crazy, but I'm already crazy.

Don't take them off your To Read list. You have to try them and see...

Melissa said...

I thought I was the last... the only... but now I see that Kim is still on my side of the "I have not read these books yet" fence. Someday I will break down and read them. Someday....
As for the blogginess - I too have you on my feeder reader whatever that thing is. So I will know whenever you blog... that sounds kind of creepy, doesn't it? :S
And, as always, you are the graphic manipulator supreme! I have no idea who any of those people are or what the quotes could possibly mean, but you are amazing :)

compulsive writer said...

My daughter was bitten, so I've been eating garlic (are you supposed to eat it or just wear it?) and loading my sidearms with silver bullets.

No Cool Story said...

Nifty Craft Sack...interesting.
AFter reading Twilight I went crazy. All I could think about was Edward. I made an Edward playlist, I searched the newsgroups, the fan art,the graphics...I even made my own (I love your by the way), I re-read the books, I wrote the quotes and studied them.

You are right wynne, those books are dangerous. They should come with a warning.

When the new book comes out I'm going on hiatus.

Elizabeth-W said...

Now look. You can't write stuff like that and expect me to not read them.
I'm guessing though, that after all the hype, I'll be let down? (Lie I'll tell myself to not get hooked).

wynne said...

melissa--Actually, there are a surprising number of women who have not yet succumbed to the allure of these books. I only read them because a friend of mine told me to. "I know it sounds really bad--a vampire love story set in high school--but you really have to read it [Twilight]." So I did. And it really is as bad as it sounds, and horribly, horribly addictive. If you are interested in reading a book club review of it, you can read it here.

wynne said...

Compulsive--is there any teen or pre-teen out there who hasn't been bitten? It's sooooo YA. (Did I mention that my book set came with a set of temporary tattoos? *sigh* It did, though my obsession didn't lead me to wear them, just shake my head and wonder, am I sure I'm not 14?)

NCS--Is there any way you would mind showing me/sending a link to your fan art? AND YEAH, obsessed. Wasn't there an all-day blog-related vamp/wolf chat awhile back? Was that you that held that?

elizabeth--Don't expect much. All they are is...well, just STIFF with suspense. Go ahead. Try them. Tell me what you think. And when you're all done, you can come here and tell me how much you despise me for recommending (is that what I did? Wasn't it more along the lines of a warning?) them.

No Cool Story said...

We did have an "all morning" (turns out life kept getting in the way of fun) chat about the series. It was super fun, you should have been there.

Let's do it again after the next book comes out!

My art? Hmmmm, no, sorry. It's dorky. My idea of Edward is a bit older than the book (like 25)
;)

wynne said...

Oh, c'mon. I just outdorked the world by POSTING FAN ART. You should see me blush about that--but I so try to be honest about my stupidity. Maybe...maybe we could make a deal or something. I would love to see your dorky idea of Edward.

No Cool Story said...

OMGOSH!!
You are killing me with Super Blinged SHG :D

ok, fine.
I did not like the movie Blade at all and I don't like Stephen Dorff BUT I think he did look quite cute. So there you have it.
It's ok if you laugh...everyone else did already ;P

No Cool Story said...

Yeah and whatever. I really liked your fant art.

Like a lot.

Hmmm, maybe I should go re-re-re-read those books!

wynne said...

NOOO! Resist, NCS! (Especially since the earliest the next book will be out won't be until fall--you can wait until then, right?) Resist, resist!

(That Edward works for me, too. Why did people laugh? Did someone make fun of Edward? That's so not cool.)

And thanks for giving in and showing me against your better judgment. I am not laughing. (But I am looking at the books again...maybe I should have Jeff hide them somewhere? Until fall?)

elasticwaistbandlady said...

I must send the linkie to this to bloggy friend Lauren immediately!!!

She might pass out from excitement.

elasticwaistbandlady said...

The guy they chose for Edward is nerdy looking and disappointing, though. Something about his weird. square eyebrows that I can't get past.

Okay, my girls got hooked first. Then I got hooked. Then we introduced my sis-in-laws who got hooked. Who will get hooked next?

elasticwaistbandlady said...

By the way, remember your disparaging comments about Leven Thumps? You were so freakin right.

We got to meet the author up close and personal at my friends house and my oldest just raved on and on and on about how great they were. Well, 12 year olds are obviously easily impressed. I even got her to admit that they're okay reading once but she would never want to read a Leven Thump book twice like she does with other books.

I'm halfway through the stupid thing and I feel like I need to finish it now but its so boring and convoluted......It's like "Look at me and my Foo/Sabine twist that's an obvious parallel to the gospel. I'm going to be the second coming of C.S. Lewis. I soooo rock."

Ummmm, sad to say that Obert Skye is no C.S. Lewis who can hold my interest easily and tells a somewhat coherent story without disfigured toothpicks.

Jean Knee said...

wow, do I feel un-cool. I haven't read them. And I'm scared I'll be disappointed or not get it, or I'm a freak or something

whatever, I liked the art

Lesley C said...

I have to admit I devoured all three books in a single weekend - bought the first at Costco, read it, then went back the next day to buy #2 and #3. It's the most ridiculous, melodramatic, teen soap opera fluffiness I've ever read and I LOVE IT. Book #4 is due out this year. Woo hoo!

Now, the real question: are you in the Edward or Jacob fan club?

wynne said...

elastic--I'm so sorry about Foo. It really stinks, doesn't it? I haven't read something so POORLY written in a long time. (No, wait, this book was even worse.)

And, yeah, I don't care much for the movie choice for Edward. Oh well. I'm really hoping that I'll be able to resist seeing the dumb movie, though. Oh, I hope...I know it will kill Jeff to see it...

wynne said...

jean knee--well, if you ever feel so inclined to give 'em a spin, you can always come here when you're finished and I'll help you with the recovery stage.

lesley--hi and welcome. And the truth is I'm a member of BOTH team Jacob and team Edward. Why not? If Bella can do it, why can't I?

wynne said...

(which club are you in?)

wynne said...

And HA! I just checked out your user profile, lesley, and you're THAT lesley! So we meet again...

Did I already tell you how much I love my soup ladle? Yay, soup ladle! (It really made an impression on me.)

The Wynn Family said...

I just finished the last one tonight. I couldn't put it down. I am embarrassed to say that I read it one day. My poor family. Help! I think I need to find a new hobby to get me out of my Bella/Edward/Jacob love triangle depression. This isn't a new thing for me though. I went through a rough time after Harry Potter too! So much so that I had to shed a few tears because it was over. Dang! I hate being an emotional reader.
I have finally decided to take sides-- I am hoping for Jacob-- Although Edward... well so maybe I haven't quite decided yet!
If you want to try another series that is pretty good also vampire/ werewolf related I've got a good suggestion. Let me know but beware they are addicting to...

wynne said...

Oh, heavens. Another series? That is just what the world needs...

(so, what is it?)

Lesley C said...

Yep, I'm that Lesley. I'm with Team Jacob. We could all use a personal sun. Plus, I'm a Southern gal by birth - I don't deal well with cold temperatures (including body temperatures).

Glad to hear you're enjoying the soup ladle. I gotta say the spooky CD was a hoot; I enjoyed it all throughout the end of 2007. Thanks again!

Lori said...

I love this conversation. I'm glad I'm not the only 29 year-old feeling a little sheepish about my vampire infatuation!.

Travis and Shar said...

Hey Wynne- this was a fun post to read. Sorry I missed it earlier! My pathetic infatuation - I've made every playlist that Stephenie posts for her books, and have created my own notebook with printouts of all the "extras" from her website, and "personal correspondence" from the twilight lexicon. For me, the obsessiveness died with boook 3. I was utterly disappointed and highly disliked Bella (please, tell me if she had one redeeming quality in that book so I can like her again).

Anyway, I'm hoping the 4th will make me like the series again, but I just don't know if I'll ever re-read eclipse. Or... maybe I need to in order to see if I like it any better 5 months later. Bah!

Clint, Natalie, and Lucas said...

Wynne, I can thank you for who knows how many hours I lost to these books!!! :) I loved them! We did end up reading them in our book club. I REALLY like Jacob, but I don't think that he'll make the final cut.

I've been lap swimming with Alison, and she showed up one morning with her Eclipse tatoos all over her. It was hilarious! I'm still saving mine for a special occasion....

Carrot Jello said...

You don't bring me flowers.
You don't sing me love songs.
You hardly talk to me anymore, when you walk through the door at the end of the day.
I remember whennnn...
*sniff*

sogratefultobemormon.wordpress.com said...

hi wynne,
you are a riot girl. he he. i love the detox one best!

thanks for making me giggle tonight. be strong, kathleen xoxo

Lisa said...

Oh, I wrote about reading these books over Christmas. It is so addictive. One person said her sister calls it literary crack. And it is! I'm glad I didn't google it all because I went through withdrawal, too, and thought only about vampires and warewolves for a while.

wynne said...

...and all of a sudden, the comments are out of control, and I'm not going to respond to them all...sigh.

But I will look up Lisa's article.

And carrot, don't be so dramatic. You remind me of this guy named Edward. He always overreacts. (And of course I sent you flowers. Those dandelions growing in the front lawn? Yeah. I sent those.)

Lauren said...

I love Edward Cullen. Probably more than any other person on this planet. No joke. I got the license plate, the tshirt, the bumper sticker...I am set. Pretty much we are getting married.

I love your work!!

Lisa said...

Wynne, no need to waste your time looking for my post. I didn't write anything about the books themselves, just that I read them and that I had put it off a long time. I knew they would take over my life. :)

wynne said...

Ah. I guess that explains it.

And Lauren, if nothing else shows your dedication to Edward and his family, calling what I've done "work" sure PROVES it.

No Cool Story said...

Wynne.

You are killing me.
I laughed and laughed until my mascara ran and now I look like a weird racoon.

Sistuhs 4evah is the awesomest thing I have ever seen.
EVAH.

sogratefultobemormon.wordpress.com said...

miss ya girl :)
your fav kathleen

big hug xoxo awwhh! you rock. hehe

Marie said...

I made a conscious decision not to read the second one because I really liked the first one and thought I might get fully sucked in if I continued. If my Highminded Resolution fails me and I come crashing into full obsession, I will definitely check myself into your worthy program.

I love your fan art. If your artistic (and witty) devotion doesn't win the heart of a certain fictional bloodsuckin' heartthrob, nothing will. Bella begone!

Mike & Shannon's Family said...

Wynne, All of my Young Women and their Mom's LOVE these books. And for some immature reason I have found myself resisting reading them because they are all that I hear about. I know it makes no sense... I wish I could explain it. Love your blog!

Perkins Family said...

I got sucked in last summer. Then my books got passed around the ward. Young women's and Relief Society. Great series.:)

Kim Fifita said...

You kill me! I haven't read the third one yet--I started to, then we moved, and now I can't find it. Oh well. I imagine it will turn up eventually--if I ever finish unpacking from our move FIVE MONTHS AGO.

By the way, are you like a closet graphic designer? Where's all this design talent coming from??

And by, by the way, I never took you for someone to get obsessed with a series like Twilight...very interesting. And fan art? I'm shocked! A new side to Wynne! It makes me feel better about the Saturdays I've spent watching America's Next Top Model marathons...

sogratefultobemormon.wordpress.com said...

hi wynne,

i miss wynne! come and see me. i am much easier to catch up to now. i stopped blog posting every single day and multiple times, too. i am free from that stupid self-imposed obligatory feeling.

great night girl,
kathleen/grateful