Duct Tape Obsession
I have a confession. I'm not so sure how I feel about all of this, and I am sure to horrify SOMEONE out there on the Internet—but, hey, there you are. I can be horrifying.
I've been preoccupied with duct tape. Because it works so well. The obsession began when I incorporated it into a parenting strategy without even thinking about it. I had sent the boy to time-out for hitting, and as soon as he was in his corner, he started hitting the walls, the floors, etc. Y'know, just being a mad little turd in general (I should do a sketch of that: "mad lil' turd." Okay: done—see below). And I knew I couldn't allow it. (The hitting, not the sketch.)
So I thought for just a second—and maybe I didn't think it through at all—then retrieved the roll of duct tape from the garage, and approached him very calmly.
Me: Do you know why I put you on time out?
Boy: I hit.
Me: That's right. Hitting is not okay.
Boy: But I don't stop hitting! I hit and hit if you put me on time out!
Me: No, you won't. Because hitting is not okay, and if you can't use your hands wisely and politely, then you won't be allowed to use your hands at all.
And then I duct-taped his arms to his body, and reset the timer for more time out.
He was furious. He thrashed about, but was unable to free his arms, and unable to squirm out of his shirt (the tape was only attached to his shirt, and if he could have only gotten his arms out, he would've been free!). He was very sad (eventually) and apologized, and hasn't hit a thing since.
And since, I can't stop fantasizing about duct tape.
Kid too noisy for you? I know something that will fix that.
Can't hold still? I know of something that will help!
Won't stay in his chair during Sunbeams? Oh, I have the answer!
Every time I turn around, I think of another use for the stuff. Why, just today after he pooped in his underwear again, I fantasized about taping him to the toilet seat and letting him stay there all day.
It's true that he hasn't hit anyone lately, but I've still managed to create a monster.
Me.
18 comments:
It's not horrifying at all, Wynne my dear. It was once just the Handyman's Secret Weapon- but it is so doggone useful for kids, it was a natural progression from the garage to the kitchen.
(Around here it's known as 100-mph tape- and it's Army green, but it works just the same.)
That is so, so brilliant! Hope you don't catch any flack for that, 'cause I think you're an example for us all!
Brilliant!
I wonder, if you can use duck tape with the Sunbeams...could you use it with annoying parents that won't leave you alone?
Imagine the endless uses.
*Ponders*
I gave you an award.
You may duct tape something to celebrate.
I will agree whole heartedly. Duct tape is amazing. Now if I could just keep my kids from duct taping each other...
Child Welfare should be there within the hour....I'm not sayin' who called 'em. ;)
When my 7 year old was 3 (she hit the terrible twos a bit late), she would be sent to her time out spot and kick the walls.
I would tell her "if you can't keep your body in control, I'll have to help you". And I would just sit her on my lap and hold her firmly while she had her little freak out. She'd settle in a minute or so, and then finish up time out without much fuss. Of course, time out for a 3 year old is about 3 minutes long. There are people who say you shouldn't time out a kid before they're at least three and I agree.
You mean... there are people who think that using duct tape as a restraining device, is a bad thing? I was unaware of this...
Duct tape is our friend. End of story. I don't care what anyone else says... :)
Why- I just used some myself today! Glad to see I'm not alone in this duct tape glorification - it really can work on so many levels! Tape on dear friend!
You are a mad genius, and I plan to add this to my future parenting arsenal. However, if I get hauled in by the state for child abuse, I'm taking you down with me.
There was a twitchy loudmouth in my high school chemistry class and the teacher duct taped his hands and (hairy) legs to the desk and then taped his mouth shut. Then he aimed the cork launcher at the guy's head and played target practice for a few minutes. Then he grinned as he ripped the duct tape off the hairy legs. I can't believe he didn't lose his job, but it was SOOO satisfying to see justice done through the miracle of duct tape.
dorkelina--100 mph tape? WHY? what is the name of that tape implying? I'm frightened.
kimberly--thanks for the reassurance, but I still feel mildly criminal.
NCS--OF COURSE you can use it on parents. Come to think of it, I'd LOVE to...wait. Must not reveal any evidence that will incriminate me...um...make flowers out of duct tape...
And you WHAT? Can you believe this is my first award ever? I need to create a shrine for it...
Danielle--Really? Who is taping who? And to what? (I can see A. taping T. in a corner to keep him out of her stuff...)
elizabeth w--I keep expecting them to come. Maybe they got lost on the way over? Maybe they were intimidated by the sign on the front walk: BEWARE! OWNER BITES!
Nah, just kidding. We don't have a front walk.
And I'd do the same thing with Jake--there is a lot of that kind of restraining going on. But sometimes, it's good to find some other way to restrain him...especially if I'm in danger of losing my cool. Duct tape won't lose its cool, and yet...there has to be a better way. (Though I think it's safer than rope.)
melissa--Actually, I'm not sure. I'm just afraid that someone out there sees it as a bad thing. So far, they haven't found me yet.
rebecca--yeah. Give me a chance, and I'll use it. I'm pretty sure I could get it to work for some sort of object lesson in a RS lesson...hmm.
marie--some days I pray that they'll put me away and find a DECENT mom for Jake. I swear, I really do.
And, ah, yes, the dark side of duct tape in high school...I know a story about my brother, a teacher, and duct tape, and she DID get fired for it. Do you want to hear it?
Teacher was really...flirty with the boys in her class. Bro and a friend led her on a little one day at lunch (she let them into her classroom when no one was around, the idiot), and they tied her up with the cord from a projector and tape. She let them. Guess she was into that kinky stuff. And then the lunch period was ending, and they showed no inclination to untie her. And they laughed, and left her for her next class of students to find her. Bro and friend were disciplined, but she was sacked.
I often dream of duct taping my barking dog's mouth taped, but she's too fast for me
i have been having visions of duct taping curtis since reading this post. why didn't i think of this?
and elizabeth needs a child like mine. i can try to restrain him all i want but he never gives up screaming, yelling and kicking. he has screamed many times for over an hour. and by then i just want to whack him and not softly. that is why i got me some nice strong drugs. the duck tape seems much cheaper though. of course if I duck taped i would need to duck tape his mouth too because if i don't the neighbors will call the cops on me again for not making my kid shut up while he is being restrained in time out.
oh the joys of being a parent. duck tape on!
jean knee--the trick is to lure him in with some tasty treat...here, puppy, puppy...and then when he's least expecting it...ZIPPP! No more barking.
kristine--Don't tape him up. Put him in a box, tape that, and ship him to me.
You should be the new spokeswoman for duct tape. I am thinking I may need to invest our retirement money in the stocks of 3M duck tape. I am sure their stocks are soaring!
We're more of a Super Glue family.
oooo wynne,
i just love this post! you tickled me! i am just giggling here.
thanks hon,
kathleen :)
ps. come share my news/goal with me. it is my latest post. i want to share with ya.
My parents used to tape our mouths shut on long car trips.
So we started humming.
Wynne-I am laughing so hard right now. Clint thinks I'm crazy. Thank you for introducing me to all the wonderful things you can do with duct tape!!!! I'm sure Lucas will be pleased....
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