Monkey Beans
Sometimes I swear there is more than one of me jammed into my head.
Sometimes we have arguments. Or discussions. Or parties.
Sometimes it gets pretty crowded in my skull.
And sometimes, we get very, very bored, and a conversation like this happens:
persona 1: Monkey beans.
persona 2: Excuse me?
persona 1: Okay, lady, hand 'em over. I need some more monkey beans.
persona 2: You could ask, you know.
persona 1: Okay, HAND 'EM OVER please.
persona 2: Hmph. That barely counts. Why do you want them anyway?
persona 1: Well, I'm fresh out of monkeys and I thought it would be good to grow some more.
persona 2: That's not what monkey beans are. They are for monkeys to eat.
persona 1: Yecch! The cannibals!
persona 3: Did someone say cannibus?
persona 4: No.
And they are called monkey beans because they look like monkeys.
persona 1: No, no—they're perfectly round and pink.
persona 4: Yeah. Like monkeys.
persona 3: No, they are called "monkey beans" because it was a monkey's uncle who discovered them.
persona 1: That's stupid. If that were true, they'd be named after the uncle, not the monkey.
persona 2: But the uncle was a monkey—what else could a monkey's uncle be?
persona 1: Oh, no. You're not going to sidetrack me with that. And plainly, they are called monkey beans because they are toes. Monkey toes.
persona 2: You lost me. Why not call them toes and be done with it?
persona 1: Because their name is "monkey beans."
persona 2: They're probably not monkey toes. They are probably human pinkie toes.
persona 4: Or baby mice.
persona 3: I think you're right. They are human pinkie toes. And pinkie toes from a grown man.
persona 2: So why are they not called "toes" again?
persona 5: AAAAAHH! My toes are missing! Where the &%#@! are my toes?!
Sometimes Jeff interrupts...uh, us in the middle of one of these debates. He immediately regrets it.
Does anyone know how to get the extra people out of my head?
Hey! Who are you calling extra? You're the dead weight around here.
I think I'm going to use the phrase "monkey beans" from now on whenever I find something nutty. I'm tired of saying "crazy" and "nuts" and "insane." "Monkey beans" sounds like fun to say.
Wow, that's monkey beans!
My mother? Yeah, she's certifiably monkey beans.
Did you see that monkey-beans hairdo on that kid?
And just in case you wanted some more beans, click on this:
16 comments:
Ay frijoles!
That all made perfect sense to me.
My mom regularly told me when I was talking crazy talk that I was full of beans.
Now I say it to shazzy but it means something else.
brrrrrrrpht
"frijoles de mono"?
Monkey beans! I love it. Wynne, I really like you (and you, and you. . .)
I like monkey beans! May I please adopt your new phrase?
I too find myself having conversations with myself. And they never seem to end well... I know Baby Girl talks to herself. Sometimes I'll sit outside her door and just listen. It amuses me greatly.
I always have referred to people who use their toes to pick stuff up as having "monkey toes"- but now I am going to start thinking of beans.
And you might not want to go telling everyone about the voices in your head, that got my cousin committed once. Heh. ^_^
Bean, beans are good for your heart, the more you eat the more you _____.
Fill In The Blank Time!
(Double Penalty if you use the word "shart")
My inner voices are not only weird they're also naggy and combative. I wonder if egotistical people are simply the victims of smooth-talking inner voices telling them their stuff don't stink?
Tis better to have monkey toes than camel toes~Pamela "Socrates" Anderson
At least the voices in your head are FUNNY. Mine argue (as I stand in the cooking implement aisle of the grocery store) about whether or not I should buy a spare can opener for use in the Last Days because y'know it would be just so frustrating to have all that food storage and then have my one can opener fail. And then the other voice says, "Well, if you think one might fail, why can't two fail? I guess you'd better buy a whole case of can openers!"
Then voice three says, "Yeah, and a gun, to defend your can openers from can opener looters."
Then I walk away from the can openers in disgust.
So do you actually eat monkey beans? I've never heard of them. They must be tasty if all the voices are bickering about them. I am fond of a good legume, so if they're good, let me know. It would be fun to have a can of monkey beans in my cupboard. Then I could could make "monkey bean salad" and take it to my next RS gathering, clearly labeled. Then everyone would want to be my friend.
Awesome. I think I'll try using "monkey beans" and see what people say. By the way, I occasionally use "riding the company pony" from time to time, and most people just nod like they know exactly what I'm talking about. Did you ever end up putting that on an annual review?
they kinda look like monkey's bums
awh wynne, you're a trip. and jennifer b's comment made me laugh out loud :) kathleen
I'm going to sing you a song to the tune of "Please Come To Boston For the Springtime"
Ready?
Okay!
Please come to Oregon for the summer partyyyy.
I said ramblin' girl I'll pick you up in your town.
Whatever, that didn't go right.
Please come, I'll pick you up.
Or else, I'll stop by your house.
Even if you're not home.
Carrot said I was her one and only Summer Party Love....she lied to me!!!
Oh well, maybe we should make this an uncomfortable love triangle and I'll start to woo you too.
Please come to Oregon in the summer....we'll laugh so hard we'll shoot soda out our noses. Then we can run Chariots Of Fire style up the beaches. We'll pig out so bad we'll need our elastic waist bands....please come to Orgeon, and don't say no, won't you come home to me. Ramblin Wynne why don't you settle down? Washington ain't your kind of town. There ain't no bloggy party and there ain't nobody like meeeeeee. I'm the number one fan of the blog not from Tennessee!
(I tried to finish what Carrot started)
elastic & carrot--It's not every day that I get serenaded...awww, shucks. Thanks, ladies.
kathleen--I still haven't come to see you! Now, how did that happen?
jean knee--No they don't. Unless, of course, you are referring to the Mongolian Half-moon monkey, who only has one cheek on its buttock.
annie--Yes, I believe I did. Or on the exit interview, or on something that Todd S. wanted us to be serious about and I didn't want to be. Can't remember...was that really so many years ago? Yes. Yes it was.
marie--oh, they argue. They bicker constantly. If there is anything to argue about, they jump right in. Fortunately, we took the most rowdily outspoken and abusive one (really, that voice was so mean!) and tied it up and left it in a corner to mumble to itself. I'm not entirely sure if it's still there. And as far as them being funny...well, I don't know about that. Mostly, I thought they were just weird. And random. And so determined to argue that they are arguing over...well, nothing.
elastic--What kind of weird things do your inner voices tell you to do, elastic? I'm very curious.
elastic--"snart?" "depart?" Oh...I know this...what IS it?
dorkelina--hmm. Good advice.
OFFICIAL NOTICE: this post, "Monkey Beans" is entirely fictional and has no basis in reality, yours or mine. So this cannot be used as evidence in court. So there.
melissa--what kinds of things does baby girl talk about with herself? (Jake's self-conversations usually consist of "ka-SPLODED!!! boom!" and the like.)
jennifer b--Exactly. Thanks for acknowledging all of us.
ew--Yup. Your mom knew her beans, that's for sure.
NCS--best comment ever. What else is there to say, anyway?
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