Because Costumes Are Fun

How about some pictures today? I just found out through Melissa's blog about an online costume contest, and I thought--why not? I was meaning to post a bunch of pictures of my son in costume anyway. First up, the Boy as a rap artist: (Yeah, I know I've posted this one before, but I have to do it again. And yes, that is my YW medallion. What else was I gonna do with it? Wear it?) Or if pirates are more your thing, but you're tired of seeing kids dressed up as Captain Jack Sparrow... ...how about this? Ever seen a kid dressed up as a treasure chest yet? I really like this one, though I think the picture would have been better if somehow I'd managed to get him to swing on a vine:

Who knew Tarzan had fat rolls?

And here is one of my very first sewing experiments (I am by no means a seamstress--heavens, no! but I found I could thread a needle and stick in in cloth with a desireable result): Oh, and I can't leave out the cat. Not my wonderful, super cat: Another sewing experiment: I wanted to dress the kid up as Draco Malfoy. Everything worked pretty well except his hair, which, to my dismay, I found would NOT slick back no matter what I put in it: No sewing on this one at all:

Et tu, Brute?

And last, the Boy as a traffic light: And yeah, it does light up. Those are tap-lights in there, so he can turn 'em on and off himself. Best part? NO SEWING. Just a glue gun, felt, and scissors. That's my kind of costume!

It's My Potty and I'll Cry if I Want To

Dearest of all Carrot-flavored Gelatin,

I do have reason for being absent from the blog, and it's not to make all you wieners feel like losers. Oh, no. See, I'm the big loser here. Why? Well, you see, it's this house again. The toilet was broken past flushability, you see, and there has been an emergency scramble to have it repaired. Since there is only one bathroom in this dear, dear house, this means that I had to...er, get creative about how to relieve myself. I will not go into details*, but I am a loser.

However, the toilet gods** have smiled upon us, and rewarded us with a shiny new toilet. Hooray.

There are a few more things that are swallowing my blog time this week. This formula should be sufficient:

If
Me = Enrichment Counselor
and
This Saturday = SUPER SATURDAY!!!***
then
Me presently = Panicked, Annoyed, and Stressed

However, I DID manage to get all the links for the contests in their proper places. Go ahead--scroll down and see.

And your Halloween fix for today:

You may download one of these charming lil' desktop companions who will float around your desktop, constantly reminding you that Halloween is on its way. Click on the one you like to go to the page to download him.

*I was serious. I will NOT go into details. And if you're down here looking for them, maybe you're a sicko.
**This is not official Mormon doctrine. Just mine.
***If you don't know what this is, consider yourself extremely fortunate.

Grand prize awarded to elasticwaistbandlady for this great link:



Other links that were entered, in no particular order:

From kristine, an interactive haunted house game (which means you just click a lot, and eventually you'll get to the next room):

From hollywood:



From melissa, Ben & Jerry's Halloween site:



Danielle sent me not one, not two, but three games (and Jen sent the last one, too):







Here's another from elastic:



And several more that didn't lend themselves to a cool screenshot link:

• Jean knee directs us to the Travel Channel's special on POSSESSIONS BY SPIRITS (you can watch the whole show).
• Carrot sends this, this, and what the heck IS this, carrot?
• Would you like to read about the history of the jack-o-lantern or some Halloween superstitions? I do. Thanks, Summer.
• Lisa sent a link so you can learn how to throw your very own Wanda Witch Party (and you probably need this link, too; start from the bottom to go in order), another link in case you are in the Midwest and would like to attend a Halloween convention, and yet another for a haunted cemetary. Whew, Lisa!
• Jennifer B sent her favorite Halloween greeting ecard. It's a scream.
• Christina sent a link that all you old Waterford-ians will enjoy: The Gallery of Terror! (Long live the Art Department!)
• Lesley sent instructions for how to mold false ears out of gelatin.
• And Dallas Meow sent an idea that's fun for the whole family.

Thanks for playing, everyone!

Grand prize awarded to Marie for this fabulous entry:

Stopping by the Dungeon on a Full-Mooned Midnight

Whose moans those are I think I know
He's strapped upon the rack, and so
He will not see me pausing here
While my back hair begins to grow.

My boyfriend, he must think it queer
To see the tufts upon my ear
He thinks this dungeon is a fake
A place to stir romantic fear.

But to this castle by the lake
I asked to go just for the sake
Of breaking up with Lying Creep
And then I'll eat some boyfriend steak

The forest's murky, dark, and deep
But I have havoc still to wreak
And wiles to try before I leap
Then miles to drive home in his jeep.

...and then there is this, too--a beautifully mutilated version of The Beatles' song "Yesterday:"

Leprosy

Leprosy
I'm not half the man I used to be
There are pieces falling off of me
Oh, I believe I've leprosy

Suddenly
Roller coasters are an agony
Lost my lips on Death Loop #3
The man behind me wasn't pleased

My left
leg escaped down the slope
on my left ski
Eyeballs
rolled away with my kneecaps
and my spleen...

Ironically
There's one part that still clings close to me
and that's my flabby little tummy
A cruel joke, this leprosy

Bring the
duct tape quick
My big toe
is trying to flee
If you need a chin
Take my spare ones;
I've got three...

I can see
the sad end that lies ahead of me
when my head falls off into my tea
don't laugh at me, it's leprosy

don't laugh at me, it's leprosy

You can listen to her perform it, too.



Runner-up prize awarded to Sharon-the-blogless for this entry:

Sonnet

Shall I compare thee to a Hallow's 'een?
Thou are more creepy and more fully decked.
Sunny days do break the darkning skies so mean
And autumn's geese by vultures all be pecked.

Sometime too hot the wench or bunny dress,
And often is her caked complexion trite,
And every hair, so like a Playboy tress,
By chance? or year-long planning for this night?

But thy infernal ghoulishness shall reign,
Nor lose obsession, thou wouldst never do,
For Death and Gore are fibers of thy mane,
And in eternal hauntings, thou art true.

So long as men can scream, and wounds can bleed
So long lives Wynne, and she has done her deed.

More entries, in no particular order:

Elastic did a great Halloweenish prank post. Click here to read.



More poetry:

Baa Baa Grim Reaper,
Have you any souls?
Yes sir, yes sir,
Three bags full;

One for my master,
one for my dame,
and one for my mummy
that lives on my lane.

-Jen (also blogless)

Jack and Jill crept up the hill
to steal the banker's daughter.
The banker wouldn't pay
so Jack let her pray
as Jill held the girl under water.

-April

And since I promised I would post the rest when the contest was over, here's one of mine, in its disgusting entirety:

Mary Had Some Leprosy

Mary had some leprosy, leprosy, leprosy
Mary had some leprosy
Her sores were white as snow

Every time that Mary tripped, Mary tripped, Mary tripped,
Every time that Mary tripped
Off would fall a toe

Today Mary starts to bleed, starts to bleed, starts to bleed
Today Mary starts to bleed
We cannot staunch the flow

She bled until she turned so white, turned so white, turned so white
She bled until she turned so white
Now she's six feet below

and the very last, also mine:

The Hallowieners!

Who won the contests, you want to know.

First, let me say that I am a lousy judge. What was I thinking having a contest? Was I hoping that you would fall all over yourselves trying to impress me?

Maaaaaybe.

After all, how often does a girl get a chance to watch people fall all over themselves? (This was a first for me. Not that anyone fell all over themselves, but I have a good imagination, and
I can pretend you did.)

Enough digression.

The weiners:


Grand-prize wieners* are

Marie

and

Elastic.


I have grand plans to put up all the entries soon--some of these were just brilliant** (Sharon, you are getting a runner-up prize, I swear, and Jen, Baa Baa Grim Reaper made me laugh aloud, that's quite a feat, and did anyone see Kristine's link to that haunted house?)--so be looking for it.

Right now is not the time, however. There are closet doors to be painted; a broken fireplace to...er, "etch" is the term, I suppose; a child to play with and to get dressed; and a cat--well, I have no idea what he wants, but he won't stop meowing. He may be spending the day in the garage.

Oh, and here's a Halloween fix for the day:

*If you didn't win the grand-wiener prize, don't sweat it. The last thing I want to do is make somebody's day crappy because they didn't win some dumb contest by some dumb wynne. I'm still going to try and send you something. I may not be able to send EVERYONE something--Jeff just might pass out if I tried to do that--but I'm gonna do my best to spread Halloween cheer.
**And Jean Knee had a link that will keep you busy for a looong time, and carrot send some links that scared the crapouttame, and Danielle went out of her way to send me games, and...and...and...I'm gonna stop now, but they all were great.

Another Halloween Fix

Okey-dokey. More Halloween just-for-fun links. Now with 25% less fat!

If you post this one on your blog, please link it so I can see it:

A classic (it's safe, Melissa, I promise):


If someone can find a better Halloween-related Strongbad email that this, let me know:


A waste of time. Utterly. But I really like the design of the game:



And I loooove this one (NCS, after you click, the very last picture on the bottom right is for YOU):



Also, you only have this weekend plus a Monday to get your contest entries in! Would it help if I said just by entering you may get something*? Does it help to know you can enter as much as you like? That anonymous entries are accepted via email**? That you would really make my Halloween if you do enter something? Please?

*Supplies limited, act now.
** For all you lurkers out there. My email is muskadillo at hotmail dot com, by the way.

I'm Jammin' Now!

Guess what I did yesterday?

That's right. Finally put all those blackberries I picked in their proper place: a jar.

Was it "easy"? Was it "fun"?

Well, it would have been a heck of a lot more enjoyable if one toddler wasn't sobbing inconsolably because he had been jumping on the couch (an illegal activity) and had a pillow smack him in the eye, another vomiting on the carpet, and another growling like a bear with poo streaming down his leg.*

That's right. If you have a toddler, DON'T CAN.

Besides that, there was an awful lot of boiling water (I burned myself plenty of times), stickiness, bubbling cauldrons, and cackling.

Will I do it again? Super Mormon Mom, who was my guide through this whole process, says that when I open that first can of jam and enjoy the satisfaction of knowing I canned it myself, I will probably want to do this again.

Yeah, FAT, HAIRY CHANCE.

*It didn't start out this way. Oh, no. It was serene and peaceful, the children quiet and docile, when we started. It wasn't until we were at the end--y'know, throwing the actual bubbling stuff into jars as quickly as we could, like you're supposed to--that all hell broke loose. Of course.

So, We Meet Again

The first time I met this tree, I fell head-over-heels in love with it.

Simply gorgeous tree. Look at those broad green leaves! Look at the graceful overall shape! Look at the FLOWERS!

When I first met it, I remember lying on my back and staring up into its leaves and flowers, practically hypnotized by it. And for some reason, no one could tell me what its name was (which was ridiculously ironic, seeing how I was working as a "gardener" for BYU Grounds at the time, and none of the head "gardeners" could tell me the name of one tree). It took me nine years before I finally learned that it is called the Indian Bean Tree or Catalpa (the name is misleading: it is not a transplant from India--it is native to the US).

Here's a close-up of the flowers:
I mean, really, could a tree be any more beautiful? I was enthralled.

Until I had a dream about it.

See, my subconscious regularly produces a carnival of odd and flashy images for my nighttime enjoyment. Take, for example, the Barbie Wheel o' Destruction1, the Magical Flying Church Pew2, The Time-Traveling Tent of Whiteness3, or Elisa versus the 1000 Legolases4. It even messes up the simple exercise of counting sheep5.

My subconscious also has a nasty habit of taking things that I find beautiful and wonderful and changing them into something that is horrible and terrifying6. (Why it plays such a mean trick is between me and my subconscious, but I'm getting wise to that sucker.)

It took this beautiful tree and had each flower dipped in blood and burning with a flame that consumed nothing. That's it. Just a really freaky symbol7. Oh, and did I mention the overwhelming sense of EVIL I felt in my dream?

Thanks a lot, subconscious. I've never been able to look at this tree the same way since. *shudder*

P.S. Oct 10: I just found a contest for "things that scare you" and I just entered this post. Maybe you should post something, too! (Just don't neglect my contests...)

1. Yes, I'm serious. Picture a monster truck arena, spotlights flashing all over the place, and the announcer booms, "AND NOW PRESENTING THE BARBIE WHEEL O' DESTRUCTION!!!" And it appears: something like a tractor with a humongous hamster wheel attached to the front, and inside the wheel are trapped many scantily-clad, heavily-makeuped women. Angry women. Then more gates open up in the sides of the arena, and many terrified young men named Ken are released into the arena. And the Barbie Wheel o' Destruction chases after each, and the women rip him to shreds while shouting rather lewd and degrading things at him. Yes, I did have some huge issues with feminism and men in my life; yes, I have been to therapy; and no, I am not making this dream up.
2. I had a dream about being bored at church. And I found two buttons under the seat. I pressed one, and the pew shot straight up through the ceiling and flew me all the way to my grandma's house in Peru. I don't have a grandmother who lives in Peru, but that's dreams for ya.
3. Yup. You went in to the tent. It was very white. When you came out again, you were in a different time. No biggie.
4. I really enjoyed this one. My friend Elisa (hi, dear! I see you lurking!!), like so many others, was smitten by the loveliness that is Orlando Bloom. I had a dream that was populated with nothing but Legolases: there were good ones, mean ones, punk ones (mohawks and all), rogue ones (buzzed heads), cowards and heroes, even a female version of Legolas: but they were all Legolas. And poor Elisa was sitting in a corner wringing her hands because she couldn't decide which one she wanted.
5. You'd think counting sheep would be simple. Sheep jump over a fence, one by one, and they each have a number on them. No big deal, right? But sheep #8 did a backflip, and sheep #9 levitated right over. Which surprised me so much I laughed myself right out of my near-sleep state.
6. Don't ask me about my dreams about carnivals or grandfather clocks. Eek.
7. And I've tried looking it up, too. But I never did find out what it was supposed to mean. Maybe in another nine years?

Halloween Fix for Today*

I fully intended to get online today to post, to respond to posts, to go blogsurfing, etc., but instead, I got sidetracked. Very. Would you like to see what sidetracked me?

Go ahead and click on 'em. (Clarification dedicated to Marie: Or, in other words, each of the pictures below is a link, and if you click on it, it will take you to what I really wanted you to see.)

A great...uh...children's...? book:

Melissa, this one won't scare even you, I promise. Go ahead and click:



And this is definitely for the "what in the weird?" stack:



By the way,

HAVE YOU ENTERED ONE OF MY CONTESTS YET?
(Or both. And there is no limit to how many times you enter. And there is no reason not to enter. C'mon, it's not like anyone has entered anything anyway (except for just a few links, and I NEED MORE. And aren't you dying to know what's in the prize package?)

*I'd like to say that I could post something Halloweenie every day, but I can't. So maybe a better post title would've been "Halloween Fix for the Week." Whatever.