It's My Potty and I'll Cry if I Want To
Dearest of all Carrot-flavored Gelatin,
I do have reason for being absent from the blog, and it's not to make all you wieners feel like losers. Oh, no. See, I'm the big loser here. Why? Well, you see, it's this house again. The toilet was broken past flushability, you see, and there has been an emergency scramble to have it repaired. Since there is only one bathroom in this dear, dear house, this means that I had to...er, get creative about how to relieve myself. I will not go into details*, but I am a loser.
However, the toilet gods** have smiled upon us, and rewarded us with a shiny new toilet. Hooray.
There are a few more things that are swallowing my blog time this week. This formula should be sufficient:
If
Me = Enrichment Counselor
and
This Saturday = SUPER SATURDAY!!!***
then
Me presently = Panicked, Annoyed, and Stressed
However, I DID manage to get all the links for the contests in their proper places. Go ahead--scroll down and see.
And your Halloween fix for today:
You may download one of these charming lil' desktop companions who will float around your desktop, constantly reminding you that Halloween is on its way. Click on the one you like to go to the page to download him.
*I was serious. I will NOT go into details. And if you're down here looking for them, maybe you're a sicko.
**This is not official Mormon doctrine. Just mine.
***If you don't know what this is, consider yourself extremely fortunate.
15 comments:
Oh yuck! I'm so sorry about your toilet troubles... :S
I read through all the posts on my google reader thing... then commented about Super Saturday on the last post... I'm all confused when I come here because I'm never sure if something's gonna jump out at me....
On No! No working toilet. That is bad! So is Super Saturday. I "quit" super saturday years ago.
Oh---Good luck with it ALL!!!
I was wondering where you went. I figured somewhere exotic...*sigh*
Good luck with your weekend !(SUper Saturday + NCS = Not So SUper.)
And enjoy your new toilet.
Super Saturday=jars of unused homemade bath salts, jars of unused homemade gel candles, and unused aprons made out of dish towels.
Did I leave anything out?
Oh yeah. Cheesy crap made from spray-painted pine cones. That is all.
I'm really sorry about your trouble with the Toilet Gods. Maybe they're mad because Jake refuses to make an offering?
I have been made to take creative measures in finding alternate "facilities" at times during my college career when the landlord was slow to respond (and also, more recently, when I accidentally dropped the porcelain tank lid on the porcelain toilet and chipped a big ol' hole out of it, right where the water flows through -- I had to go to the store/library/etc to pee all week and then my lousy landlord made me buy him a new toilet even though the only reason I had the stupid lid off his ancient toilet in the first place was to adjust the stupid chain which he repeatedly fixed wrong!!! GROWL!!! ROAR!!!)
Can you tell that toilet problems get me very upset???
And that is why I sympathize.
I don't know what Super Saturday is, but it sounds horrifying and irritating, and I wish you well. And I look forward to a very funny blog entry afteward.
Oi-yoi-yoi! I could not handle that! You poor gal!
You are the best friend ever.
EVER.
Do you hear me?
EVER.
I LOVED my package.
I consider it, not a "consolation prize", but rather a "birthday present" from my best friend who is very clever, and talented.
I don't care what you consider it to be, or what you consider yourself to me.
Now I know where you li-ive. Heh he. I've been there my friend. My BEST friend. I've been to your town.
Well, I've driven through it at least.
On the way to my sisters house in Vancouver.
I could have driven RIGHT by your house and not even known it.
Provided you lived right by I-5.
You do, don't you?
Please tell me you do, because I like to think I may have seen your house and not known.
Maybe you were looking out the window at the same moment, and not known that the fat girl in the white Montana minivan, was me.
Me.
YOur BEST friend.
Thanks again.
Check your email b/c my note sounds only slightly less stalkerish than Carrot's :)
I am SO very sorry you had such horrible problems with the toilet, and thanks for not sharing where you creativity took you while the toilet was 'out of order'. Even if it was in the neighbors tulip garden, that is none of my business. :)
Also, THANK YOU for the consolation prize!! Great mix! I haven't listened to the whole thing yet, but the first 6 songs are AWESOME!! You really didn't have to send me anything, but THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.
I can relate to the no toilet thing. There've been a couple times this summer when the water has been off so the city can repair the water main. It's amazing how you'll look at the toilet and think, "I can probably go one more time without flushing..."
annie--one of the worst couplets I have ever heard in my life was for drought-beleaguered Girl's Camp:
"If it's yellow, let it mellow;
If it's brown, flush it down."
I love my indoor plumbing. And I love not being in a drought. And I love the shiny new toilet. I may have even held a ritual sacrifice in its honor the other night (I flushed about 10 bugs that think it's okay to wander around my house). Please don't tell my bishop.
Jen--you are welcome, welcome, and welcome again. I had fun making it.
elizabeth-w--You can stalk me anytime. I'd be honored. I'll go check the email next.
Carrot--My house is very easy to distinguish from the I-5. Simply get off at exit 82, park on the side of the road, and listen.
Do you hear the sounds of swearing in the distance? The meowls of an overweight cat? A child yelling, "Mom, I DON'T love you!" Follow those noises.
Next, watch for the smoke. Soon you will come across a dilapidated blue house. A crazed woman will be jumping up and down in the front yard, cackling maniacally, with a can of gasoline in her hand. Most likely, she will have bits of candy wrappers in her hair and smears of chocolate on her face, and she will be yelling, "That will teach that duck-loving son-of-a-broom-wielding landlord!" (This will be me.) After torching the house, she will running off to torch the church with all the lovely ladies and crafts inside. It is best not to stop her, or draw any attention to yourself, or point out that her last insult was grammatically unsound.
And you'll be so GLAD you stopped by.
(The new toilet leaks. Or, rather, the old plumbing leaks.)
kimberly--You would be surprised what you are able to handle when you have to. *sigh*
marie--I think we have the same landlord. Could that be possible? And have you noticed how much the masses love your CD? THAT'S RIGHT. MARIE MADE THAT HALLOWEEN MIX CD. So if you haven't been by my genius-friend's blog yet, perhaps you should.
elastic--EXACTLY!!! My favorite bit about it is that people SIGN UP to make cheesy crap out of spray-painted pine cones, and they PAY for it. Oh, the horror.
NCS--I'd like to go some place exotic. As long as the water is safe to drink, and there is indoor plumbing, that is.
indoor plumbing is immeasurably precious.
lisa-- good for you! And thanks for the good luck. But no matter what, in a mere 24 hours it will all be over. (The house will be torched by then, and so will the church.)
melissa--Has anything ever jumped out at you? If it has, I didn't put it in. That would be rude. But...hmm...that's really a good quote, you know. "I'm all confused when I come here because I'm never sure if something's gonna jump out at me..." I think I'll cross-stitch that tomorrow and hang it on the wall above the new toilet.
BY THE WAY--If you entered the contest before the deadline, and have not received your consolation prize by now...I am concerned. It should be there by now. (With the exception of April, Summer, Danielle, and Jennifer b--your are still sitting on my desk). Have I left someone out? I hope not...
And hopefully things will settle down a little around here soon so I can actually go visit some blogs, already...boo.
Aw crap. Just as I finally get to know you, you leave.
That's no fun.
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