The Three Fates Need YOU
Did any of you catch the Three Fates post I did last year?
Do you remember the Three Fates Web Site?
(Click on the picture to go!)
This year, the Fates came to me and complained that their site needed some sprucing up. Actually, they threatened to...well, cut my life short if they didn't get what they wanted. They promised that the end would be uncomfortable and messy, to put it mildly. Part of the conversation went like this:
Clotho: We need some serious attention.Yeah. Freaked me out. But what it boils down to is this:
Wynne: AAAAGH! Where did you come from?
Atropos: And more death.
Wynne: You scared the crap outta me. Do you always go sneaking up on people?
Lachesis: And I could use a few more numbers...
Wynne: What are you doing in my house, anyway?
Atropos: And more death.
Clotho: I need more fabric, y'know? The stuff I've got is old and no longer chic.
Wynne: This is really weird.
Lachesis: And I'd like more variety in how I'm able to weave the fabric...
Wynne: I don't get it. Why are you here? What do you want me to do about any of this?
Clotho: Get me more fabric, Lachesis needs different lengths, and Atropos wants more ways for people to die.
Lachesis: Duh.
Atropos: And do it or I'll kill you now.
- The Fates want more options when assigning Fate to mortals.
- I don't want to write any more for them. (I did that last year.)
- So I'm asking you to do it for me.
- So take a look at their site, and write some text to go in those boxes.
- Email it to me, or leave it as a comment on this post.
- There will be prize packages* awarded to a lucky few.
- I'll update the Fate's Web Site with your text in it.**
****ALSO: I'm not choosing winners by content. Each time you submit an entry, your name goes on a slip or paper and goes into a jar. You can submit as many entries as you want. (So the more you enter, the better your chances of winning.) I will be drawing from that jar at the end of seven days. I'll empty the jar. Then I'll take more entries for the next seven days. So if you don't get something the first time, maybe you will the second time around. Or the third.****
Got it? What are you waiting for, then? My fate is in your hands! (Please don't fumble.)
Oh, and if you want to put a link to this contest in your sidebar, here is the HTML (don't add it as a picture--add it as HTML or the link and the animation won't work):
*At this time, I have no idea what will be in these prize packages. Something Halloweenie, sure--but what? Candy? A severed hand? Week-old toast and toenail clippings? Only the Fates can tell...
**IF I LIKE IT. That's right. You can get a Halloween package for free, but to get your text on the Fate's page, it's gotta be good.
27 comments:
Wow. This is intense.
This is like WOW.
Clotho and Lachesis are the names of the good 'guys' in Insomnia by, of course, Stephen King.
Did you know that?
Well, did you?
"You will get sucked out of an airplane toilet when you flush."
Whaaa?
"The Three Fates art on this page, used without permission."
I love you.
Manner of death: terminal lip fungus
Quality of life: polyester -- your life will be wrinkle-free but very tacky
Quality of life: Nano-Tek fleece -- you will suffer much, but the pain will be instantly wicked away from your clammy soul by our patented microfiber technology; call 1-800-555-5555 today for a free brochure...
Length of life: You're already dead!
Length of life: 5006 Seconds more...you can either figure it out or enjoy what you have left.
P.S. You're awesome!
Manner of Death:
Lightening will bounce off of your mail box hitting you through your window.
Manner of death: Chicken.
Manner of Death: A green crayon will mysteriously be found lodged in your brain.
Manner of Death: Cell phone explosion!
Manner of death: You will sprain your ankle in the woods while trying to find the tree you and you one true love carved your initials into. You will find it and then die of exposure beneath its golden branches.
Fabric--100% acrylic
Length of life-1984 months
Manner of death--Listening to Meryn Cadell singing "The Sweater" until your ears explode.
Fabric--super wide (4) wale corduroy
Length--95 years
Manner--humiliation when you realize the pantsuit your mom has the wale running North on the left side of your body, and the right side of your body has the wale running South. You flash when you walk. Yep. Utter destruction by humiliation.
At my own peril, I added the Three Fates to my sidebar.
Must...cogitate....further.....
OKAY!!
I just did a drawing for winner #1. Woo-hoo.
Keep sending in more entries--I'll draw for winner #2 next Monday, Oct 6th!
(And I'm not telling you who it is, because it will be a surprise when it ends up on your doorstep. If it's you, that is.)
Fabric--Chintz
Length--65 years
Manner--Suicide. You'd rather die than help bail out Wall Street.
oh, the corduroy thing--that was supposed to read the pantsuit your mom sewed! Duh.
Fabric--Acetate
Length--52 years
Manner--During a tsunami, you will capsize, and be eaten by sharks.
Fabric--Hemp
Length--42 years
Manner--Being pushed off the Shanghai World Financial Center (death by falling)
This is all rather morbid, don't you think?
Uh...morbid? Well, yeah. I guess so. Um...so are you telling me you don't find death funny?
Fabric--100% organic cotton.
Length--49 years
Method--being beaten to death with beef logs brandished by rabid vegetarians.
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