The Car That Time Forgot
Well, someone forgot about it, at any rate.
The husband and I recently took a trip to western Washington, and while we were looking around I saw this thing by the roadside, and much to Jeff's chagrin, I made him stop the car so I could jump in the bushes and take pictures of it. Isn't it a beaut? (And Marie—he warned me about getting shot for trespassing. Aren't you glad I didn't listen? Look—no bullet holes anywhere on me. Yet.)
I love how the moss just won't take no for an answer. I love how there is leaf mold all over the hood and the trunk (could be if I came back in just a few more weeks, there would be flowers sprouting on it. And if there aren't any, I'll be sure to plant some). I love this car so much, I think I'll name it Floyd.
One thing I can't figure—what with all the rain and everything, how is it that the chrome bumper is still shiny? Is Washington so perfect that it rains all the time, but nothing rusts? What a fairy tale. I can't wait to actually live there!
Another thing: Why is the driver's side door open? Did a person just drive it off the side of the road, open the door and walk off, not even taking the time to close the door behind him? Was the person drunk at the time, or simply confused?
My theory: the car was hotwired by squirrels who took it for a joyride, trying to hit themselves a hawk, or maybe a deer.
Squirrel 1: Okay, Bob, jump on the gas, and Myrtle, come off of the clutch slowly...no, no—that's the brake—
(car jerks to a stop)
Squirrel 1: Great. We stalled.
Squirrel Bob: That's because Myrtle had the gas pedal, not me, and—
Squirrel Myrtle: You moron! You did have the gas pedal!
Squirrel Bob: Ow, ow, ow, OW! No biting you rabid—
Squirrel 1: Enough! Let's try it again. Sparky, you got those wires ready?
Squirrel Sparky: Yup.
Squirrel 1: Okay, then. On the count of three...
Eventually they do get the car running, sort of keep it on the road for five minutes, manage to hit nothing but three trees, eighteen pinecones, one chicken, and absolutely no hawks; stall it in a ditch on the side of the road where Myrtle tackles Bob again in a fit of frustration, and Hopper (who was assigned to help with steering and was there the whole time, even if he wasn't mentioned in the above dialogue) is flung off the wheel and into the door handle, which opens the door; Sparky spies some acorns through the open door and announces it loudly; all the squirrels take off out of the open door, giggling, in pursuit of nutty goodness. Good Ms. Pinkerton who lives up the hill wakes up in the morning and can't figure out where in tarnation her car has gotten off to today. She puts up "Missing Car" posters all over town, but no one seems to take her seriously, especially not her insurance agent. She ends up buying a Honda Civic three months later. (The squirrels don't steal this one, they simply store some acorns in the wheel wells which drive Ms. Pinkerton and the local mechanic crazy trying to figure out where the noise is coming from.)
Good night sweet Floyd. See you soon.
(By the way—can anyone tell what kind of car this is? Jake wants to know.)
10 comments:
hi wynne: do you think it might be a mustang?
until you said it was moss, i really thought at first that it was a green PAINTED car :)
maybe the door was left open by the creepy bad man with a claw who is always talked about in the ghost stories around the campfire.
thanks for making me laugh at your enjoyment of floyd.
happy night to ya :)
i am surprised Jeff doesn't know what type of car it is. He is the car master.
and I am glad you keep a blog because it lets me know that you are still alive even though you haven't returned my phone call. Maybe some squirrels came and took your phone away or maybe they have you tied up in a corner and they are the ones writing these posts.
Now I've got that "Squirrels" song from Dr. Demento stuck in my head. Thanks a heap.
It looks like Floyd is about to be buried by the gorgeous green cancer that infects western WA, not to be seen again by human eyes until he is dug up in the year 3028. Before he goes under, I think you should plant something in the car that will lead the archaeologists on a wrong track as they unravel the Mystery of Floyd. Like maybe a Louis l'Amour novel, some frilly underpants, and.....um.....a socket wrench. I don't have any idea what it would all mean, but I'm sure the archaeologists would figure something out. And then publish it in a prominent scholarly journal.
What I like about it is that Floyd lives on, though he is dead. He never needed a memorial service, because he is his own monument...to himself. Er, yeah.
He is beautiful.
My theory is that a man named Earl was driving Floyd home from a long day at the factory one evening when he saw some curious lights hovering above the horizon. He pulled over, stepped out of his car to investigate and ZAP! He was gone. Floyd was thought to be cursed, so he was left alone. Eventually they built a new road around him and allowed the forest to grow around and over Floyd.
I'm so excited for your great new move! I'm excited that you get to move to a place with so much green! I love the green...so calming and so pretty. Just look at Floyd!
Have I told you how I love reading your writing? More please!
Okay - that's awesome! lol I have no idea what kind of car it is... sorry... but those are great pics!
hi wynne: i'm with christina, too. more please. can't wait :)
cheers
grateful--a Mustang? Sure, why not? (I admit, I'm pretty clueless about the car stuff in spite of Jeff & Jake--but isn't a mustang a horse?)
And thanks to those of you who liked the fantasy enough to contribute to it. Yes, the squirrels did steal my telephone (they're prank-calling, no doubt); I am sure archaeologists will discover that the socket wrench, frilly underpants, and the Louis L'Amour novel are instruments in a religious rite and they will hold a conference about it; and Earl did indeed get zapped by an unidentified flying object--manned, of course, by squirrels. Thanks so much for playing--you all brighten my day.
hi wynne: your comments and posts sure brighten my day, too! :)
hey, why do they name so many cars after horses? what about pigs and donkeys? how is that fair? there could be a revolt.
the frilly underpanties remark made me smile.
thanks for the joyful moment. cheers :)
Great post. Just one little bummer comment. You know how you said you can't wait to live there? Well, I used to live in Portland, in a wooded area. We'd get that moss growing inside our windowsills if you didn't keep it very dry/bleached out. I think that says something about the insulation (lack thereof) of our place, and less about my housekeeping, but still....There's something a little creepy about bonsai-looking moss spontaneously growing inside. Like living in a terrarium.
That should be a bummer comment, Elizabeth, but it actually makes me more excited to go there. Living in a terrarium? can't wait!
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