"Lazy Obsequious Latrine?" ...huh?

There is a first time for everyone:

That first defining moment when you hear it for the first time—that phrase that will alter your life forever. And yet, because it is the first time, you have no idea what in the nine-levels-of-hell it means.

Now, I suppose that for each person, it could be a different phrase. For me, it wasn't a phrase, it was an initialism, and it wasn't spoken, it was written. Well, okay, typed.

Here is the story:

I was at work (this was years ago when I still did that sort of thing) and my boss (one of five) was instant messaging me (and that right there is the topic for awholenother post: Why IM? You're just down the hall. Is it that hard to walk down to my office? And how many bosses does one girl need, anyway?), and it popped right up on the screen:

LOL!

What the hell?* Is this some kind of code? Was I supposed to understand what he meant? What did these letters have to do with documentation, the subject we were discussing? I decided I needed to investigate.

Me: What is "LOL"?
Him: serious? LOL!

This is frustrating.

Me: No, really. I have no idea. Am I supposed to know what it means? 'Cause I don't.
Him: what do you think it means
Me: It's code, obviously. Perhaps..."lots of luck?"
Him: almost
Me: I got it. "Lick old lollipops." Or "lay off lasagna," "lance obese lepers," "lizard on lunchbreak"?

The manager was cruel. He let me go on. And on.

Me: "left-over laundry," "lion off'd [the] lamb," "leap of lethargy?"
Me: "lots of lace," "lactation-obsessed lady," "light of leprosy?"
Me: "lounge on, lizard," "llama oil lacquer," "loony, occult lima-bean?"

Oh, the possibilities are endless. Then he typed it a few more times, to torture me, or to relieve his feelings. "LOL." Hmph. I decided that I should be able to make up my own, and I thought at him, but did not type at him, "RIHMB.**" Instead, I typed:

Me: "launch overt labradors?" C'mon. I'm all out. What is it?

He finally told me. Since that time, I have learned that all over the world, people are laughing loudly while staring at their computer screens. Computers are hilarious, aren't they? (I mean, look at the silly boxy things! LOL!)

And since that time, I'm learning something new every day. "SAHM" and "MIL" are two recent acquirements. (They mean, respectively, "sleeping against hot milk" and "militant immigrant leviathan.") Most initialisms, I admit, I have no idea what they mean. That's okay, because I found this.

But beware—I also found this***. (You'll never look at punctuation the same way again.)

*I have a problem, I admit, of not really believing this is a true-and-living swear word. Many people have tried to convince me otherwise, but please. It is a state of being, not a swear. I guess what I should really say is other people have a problem with me not believing this is a swear word. Very sorry if you are one of these people. (Perhaps you will be the one to get me to see the light and repent of my evil ways?)
**Rot In Hell, Miserable Bastage. (See? No problem with "hell," but I do shy away from "bast**d." What sort of messed-up hypocrite am I?)
***I have to apologize for my uncontrolled swearing on the blog today. And if it offended you, I seriously suggest you not look up this link. But let me apologize all around—sorry, sorry, sorry—just in case you were offended by anything at all. Especially the "llama oil lacquer." I know I overstepped my bounds on that one.