Wednesday, April 4, 2007

New and Improved Formula

Costco changed their cat food. On the bag it reads "new and improved formula," but I want to know how they figure it's "improved." After all, our quality of life has been diminished by the stuff. Our experience:

We bought a huge bag and stored it in the garage while the cat finished off the last of the current bag. The problem is the cat got into the garage one day and found the new bag of cat food. Mmmm. Guess it smelled really, really good because he ripped a hole in it and scattered cat food all over the place. I discovered him and his secret snack, restored everything to its proper order (cat in the house, cat food back in the newly duct-taped bag) and everything was supposed to be fine. No. He liked the new cat food so much he went on a hunger strike and wouldn't eat the old stuff. He would spend a large portion of each day at the bottom of the stairs meowing piteously to be allowed back in the garage to eat the Other cat food.

Eventually he finished the old stuff, and we fed him the new stuff. He loved it so much he ate a ton of it until he was so full he barfed on the carpet. But the worse part is it gives him bad—really bad—gas and the bathroom with his litterbox in it smells unbelievable. At least the weather has been nice (in the 70s! Makes me scared for what August will be... please let us not still be here!) so I can open the windows and air the place out. Phew! And the dingleberry problem has increased exponentially with this new formula as well. (I'll be polite and not go into details about that one, but I really wish a product like this was available.)

At least the cat is happy.

4 comments:

Marie said...

You could not have written a better post for me at this very moment. A couple weeks back I took Cat to the vet for some...um...distressing litterbox-related incidents. After a painful and undignified procedure (I'll spare you the gory details) said vet told me I could likely prevent a recurrence with a high-fiber diet (for Cat, not for me). He recommended Science Diet, to be exact, like 20 times more expensive than the Purina I'd had her on. I eased her into it just like you're supposed to, and she loved it. Ate like never before. And I was very pleased that it seemed to be fixing the problem, but apparently high fiber produces methane in cats just as in humans. Let's just say I've been using the scented candle warmer a lot in the last two weeks. And now it looks like the old problem is coming back. Hang it all! It would be just my luck to get her addicted to this tasty, pricey, gas-producing food and then discover it doesn't actually WORK. Poor stinky Kitty.

As for your newborn blog, hooray, I say! More is always better when it comes to Muskadillo musings. I love the artwork, too -- is that all yours? And the little tiny photos, too? You have made me feel seriously drab blog-wise, and if you steal away all my (three) commentors, things could get ugly. So go ahead and be your delightful self -- just not TOO delightful. Okay. As long as we have an understanding.

Sally Anne said...

Wooooooo! Nice nice nice. Art & writing by someone whose art & writing I've only admired since age fifteen, hey! Sweet!

Oh yeah, you are totally blogrolled now :)

wynne said...

Pandie--
(Why don't you spell it with an "ie," anyway? Oh, oh, or even better, "ee." Pandee. Pandeee. Yeah, three e's is better. Pand(e)3 (imagine the 3 as subscript) is a little ridiculous, though.) Thanks for comin' and I'm so glad I found you again! Hooray for the tiny world of the blogosphere.

Marie--
Poor Nameless Cat! I am very sorry to hear you've been having similarly-smelly problems. *sigh* I should probably link a stinky-cat story that Jeff found on Craigslist...if I can find it again.

As for the blog itself--thanks for coming. I appreciate it! And most of the artwork & photos are mine...except the cat on this post, and the tiny pictures of animals I snagged off the web (there are no animals in this #@$@!! desert to take pictures of). And I promise I won't be delightful at all. Mostly just snotty.

wynne said...

Okay, so Jeff went back and found that cat ad off craigslist for me. And even though noone is going to read it at this point, here it is in full:

CAT SITTER needed for my lousy cat

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 2005-08-16, 12:31PM EDT

Going away for two weeks and I must find a sitter for my cat. You would need to take him to your apartment because my house sitters are deathly allergic. A little background information for prospective babysitters...

Three years ago a friend asked me if I would adopt an orange kitten that was found at 3 weeks old under a staircase nearly starved to death. Being an animal lover with extensive animal rehab experience I said yes. And so the cat was mine.

I just don't like my cat. I love my cat and I give him a wonderful happy, safe life, but I don't like him. You get the idea. When you meet this cat you will wonder why. You will think poorly of me and call me cruel. Because when you
meet this cat he will come to you and meow. He will jump on your lap and put his front legs on either side of your neck and hug. Yes. The cat hugs. It's bizarre, but true. He will follow you around and cuddle and be the perfect cat.
He will shock and amaze you at all of the words he understands. You can tell the cat to go lay down and he will. You can tell him to get his cat-toy and he will. He will charm you with his personality and you will want to love him
forever.

So what's the big deal?

He has ass glands that swell and tend to leak out poop scented oil. Yup. Leaky ass glands. The vet says it's no big deal and there's not much to do other than "milk" them from time to time. Yeah, that's fun. Squeezing out cat ass juice is
one of the most heinous things I can think of. But it must be done. Otherwise you will find ass-juice spots all over your bed, chairs, window sills, and any freshly cleaned clothes that happen to be around.

The ass-juice also results in ass-juice dingle berries that tend to form on the posterior end of the cat. The AJDB's must be plucked off with warm paper towels and discarded. The cat does not like this process. You will be scratched
numerous times as you attempt to clean a giant thrashing cat butt.

Because he is a rescue and most likely some inbred runt of the litter and missing a few genes, his teeth all fell out at 7 months of age. This means you must make him a special concoction of rice, wet cat food, and egg whites that looks only slightly worse than it smells. Cat will gum this slop up out of his bowl with such intensity that it causes him to then puke it all right back up and ingest it for a second time.

Cat likes attention and is very affectionate. There is a catch. The cat will NEVER EVER LEAVE YOU ALONE. Not for a second. If you are on the bed, the cat is on the bed. On the couch? Cat's on the couch. If you go to take a sh*t, the cat
will open the bathroom door(yes he figured out doorknobs) and stare at you on the throne. When you leave it will sit at the door and howl until you return. Neighboors will hate you.

You could pet him, but then you will end up covered in hair. A rare skin condition (three cheers for inbreeding) causes him to shed more than usual. One brush of the fur and you will have a wad of hair in your hand that could easily
create 4 orange toupees. Be wary when getting dressed in the morning for one rub on the leg from this feline and you will look as if you are wearing UGGS inside out over your dress pants.

You can't leave the cat alone for too long because he gets caught on things. Sigh. Yet another birth defect has rendered him unable to control his claw retraction. Cat walks on the floor and the claws pick things up. Cat keeps walking and before you know it he's dragging some stockings, a washcloth, dust bunnies, and some yarn behind him. One then must pick up cat and pluck the claws out of said items without getting snagged yourself. Never ever allow cat
to jump off of your lap without assistance or your pants just might leave as well.

So that's my lousy cat. Who wants the job?