Jesus Don't Want ME for a Sunbeam
This is a picture of my kid's little cousin. Aww, isn't she sweet? Yes. Yes, she is. She tells her mother on a regular basis, "I love Jesus! I wanna give him a hug."
Nearly every time I open the Ensign, there is yet another happy little warm ‘n’ fuzzy story about tiny children being in love with Jesus, the budding of their sweet little testimonies, and how close they are to their Father in Heaven. Same thing in testimony meeting, talking with other moms about their kids, and it's even all over the blogosphere.
So if this phenomenon of children loving their Father in Heaven is so common, why can't I have a little of it? I mean, after all, my own child says these types of things on a regular basis:
“No, no, NO church!”
“No go to church today. It Saturday today.”
“I want to hit Jesus.”
He has also decided that "It's Sunday" = NO. So I get these comments as well: "No bath, Mom! It Sunday." "No breakfasttime. It Sunday."
He found that if he covers up the letter d in God it spells go, so I frequently get to hear this bit of blasphemy: "Go, God, go!"
Last Sunday, while walking into church: "I not a good boy. I a baaad boy." (Of course overheard by everyone around us. And, of course, I have never called him a "bad boy" ever. Where does he get this stuff?)
Jeff and I have thoroughly searched our little boy for his 666-shaped birthmark. Just because we haven’t found it yet doesn’t mean it’s not there.
Note: This picture is actually quite innocent. He was
singing "Where Is Thumbkin" and was on the Tall Man
verse. Mom is the sicko here for posting the pic.
14 comments:
I wouldn't worry. I think that shows he's perfectly healthy. Not really normal for a toddler to like restrictive clothes, getting lectured to about sharing and starting at the burlap walls for 3 hours. I'd worry about the kids that say they can't wait to go back. They're going to be future teachers' pets or roadwork engineers (I work with a whole floor of the toe-staring chaps).
I love the not-on-Sunday thing. That's hilarious.
-Sharon (it's not accepting my password for some reason)
Just found your blog through the LDS Women's blog thing... anyway, read through your posts and had myself a darn good laugh :) You've got a good sense of humor - welcome to this weird bloggy world
melissa--well, hello and welcome!
sharon--thanks. Most days I don't worry. (After all, the Jesus aversion can be very logically explained: he is afraid of men with beards.) He is who he is, y'know? But I did get a long lecture from the mother of his cousin (the one pictured, of course) telling me how they managed to brainwash their little darling into saying what she does. And it rankled, so I made this post to remind myself that it IS funny, darn it, and I don't take it seriously. *sigh* Most days.
You should train your cat to say he loves Jesus. I'd like to see her compete with that.
-Sharon
I would like to say this: I was the little platitude-parroting angel as a kid (though not as cute as Jake's cousin by a longshot). Girly-girl, obedient as they come. As I've gotten older the facade has fallen away and I get mocked for being a late-blooming rebel. They think it's an act because I was such a well-trained child.
So here's my advice to Jake: be true to your feelings, even when your mother cruely broadcasts your badditude on her blog. I hope one day you like church, but it won't happen just by pretending you do.
Love, Fairy Godmother Merriweather
P.S. Along these same lines of how church is an iffy prospect for 2-year-olds: another blogger talked about how her 2-year-old daughter likes to come home and "play nursery" after church. However, she gets the lesson-and-a-snack format confused. One day she was playing nursery director and her parents were playing the nursery kids. She pretended to hand them a picture of Jesus. She told them about Jesus -- that Jesus loves them and that he lives in California. Then she told them that it was time to "eat Jesus." They obeyed her.
Ha! Hey, Marie, I know that story! That was Sarah from Hollywood Flakes! I laughed and laughed...
Sharon--I'm working on the cat right now. Great idea.
Hm...well, my question to you, Wynne, is,"What were you like as a kid in primary?" Hee hee. I know. Where do I get off? I don't have any kids, so I know I really don't know much, but having five siblings with children, so I have seen a lot. It seems to me that parenthood is often awfully karmic. Watching the way my brother's middle son reacts to certain situations and the way he can spontaneously turn from angel-child to demon...well, I think I can hear my parents kind of chuckling from satisfaction. "Heh, heh! Givin' some of it back! Ha!" I think my brother recognizes the irony here. Anyway, it was just a thought.
funny post. i loved this post title. very clever. i am enjoying reading your posts. you are making me laugh.
thanks for spreading the joy :)
ps. there's a funny sunbeam story in my wed, 04apr post. it will probably make you laugh, too.
christina--
Moi? What was I like in Primary? I was an absolute angel, of course! Jake gets it all from his dad, I swear.
grateful--
love a good sunbeam quote. On my way...
Oh, that was a funny story. Just my kind of thing!
Anyone else want a good laugh? Go read it.
http://sogratefultobemormon.blogspot.com/2007/04/its-sunbeams-theyre-driving-me-crazy.html
Except it didn't really work to leave a link here, did it? Bah.
hi wynne: yep, told you you'd enjoy the sunbeam story on my blog.
you are cracking me up with your posts and comments. i am enjoying your sense of humor -- you have a real flair about you. i like it. anyway, hope it's okay with you, i added you to my blog sidebar because i definitely want more. looking forward to reading more of you.
so glad i found you on the LDS women blogroll when i enrolled in it, too.
happy day to you cyber chick :)
try this link
hey! It worked! Now, if anyone is still reading old comments in older posts, there's a link to a really great story! (Too bad it took me weeks to figure out the code to link some text. So I'm not an html expert. So shoot me.)
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