Why I'm Going to Hell
I make too many jokes about my religion. The fact is, I'm very grateful to be a member of the church and dutifully live the gospel to the best of my imperfect abilities.
But I break commandments like an elephant sitting on a bench made of glued-together popsicle sticks: easily and completely. (Which is why I'm grateful for repentance.)
But that's not the reason I'm going to Hades. Oh no. See, I watch rated-R movies*. And I keep doing it.
I mean, how did Shawshank Redemption lose the Oscar to Forrest Gump? Cinema Paradiso is the best foreign flick I think I've seen, Memento is really one of my all-time favorite movies, despite the violence. Usually, I don't go in for the noir thing, but I loved Kiss Kiss Bang Bang even more than L.A. Confidential, but that's just because I like to laugh. Generally, I hate crime movies, horror flicks, and kung-fu, but The Usual Suspects, Shaun of the Dead , and Kung-Fu Hustle are all grand exceptions. Donnie Darko is yet another of my favorites of all time, and we actually own Minority Report and Vanilla Sky, even if Tom Cruise is a prat. And of course, Saving Private Ryan is the best war movie I've ever seen.
Though I have enjoyed all these movies immensely, it wouldn't be a big deal for me to never watch another movie again in my life. I could give them up. I could even toss my window out the TV and not even wince (though the guy walking under the window when I tossed it out probably would do more than that), even if that means no more Lost, The Office, or 30 Rock. Big deal.
The problem is the husband.
That's right. I'm passing the buck. See, it's him who keeps bringing the dumb things home.
Why—you say—do you simply not watch them? After all, you could be on the computer instead.
Indeed. I mostly am. I can't tell you how many movies I've missed in the years that I've known this man, and how much time I spend on the computer instead. But, darn it, I miss him. And if I'm not watching, and he is, does this mean in the long run we're going to end up in different places anyway? An R movie is such a silly thing to lose your best friend over. So...if he's gonna roast, let me rub the barbecue sauce on myself and jump in with him. I really love that guy.
But, can you picture us on Judgment Day? Like Adam and Eve, standing before our Maker to be held accountable for our actions:
God: Jeff, why hast thou partaken of the forbidden R-rated movies?WHAT?!? My own husband will play the pass-the-buck card against me? I should have guessed this was coming. What recourse is left to me?
Jeff: (points at me) The woman thou gavest me, she brought home the movies and I did partake!
God: Wynne? What hast thou to say for thyself?
Me: (Points at Jasper the cat) The creature beguiled me, and I did partake!
Jasper: Oh crap. There go my legs.***
*Are you a no-Mo?
Then you might not know
that rated-R movies are a no-no
for those of us who are mo's.**
**Jake has really been in to Dr. Seuss lately. Curse that Cat in the Hat.
***Jasper is of course, thinking this, not speaking it. Even if he is a remarkable cat, he cannot speak.
38 comments:
wynne: sorry, i messed up that delete comment.
i'm firsty.
i never noticed Genesis saying words quite like THAT before.
my noMo husband gets upset at me sometimes because i refuse to go to a R rated movie with him. i never budge on it. we have fought over this, but i stick by this. he asks less now, but he doesn't like it. mostly, he keeps his mouth shut about it and doesn't ask me so much anymore. but there are sometimes r rated movies that i am so tempted to see (i want to see that new jodi foster villigante movie and the resident evil 3rd movie so bad, but i will resist and not do it). but i want to so bad. i hate it when there is a movie out like that that i want and i think things like why couldn't they make it just a little better/lighter so as to get a little lighter movie rating.
oh, wynne. only you can be held accountable for your actions. we always have free agency, but nobody can force you to do anything. may your day be one of peace for you my friend, kathleen
ps. i am loving writing in my little "gratitude journal" that you gave me -- good mail from you is hilarious and smiley everytime. i have been carrying it around with me since sunday and i have been writing notes in it (like from church talks etc) and also little moments that maybe i want to journal about in my blog -- like last night's post on one of the precious little primary children. come and see me. and yes, you do so rock. i got you more good mail -- be looking for a purple stickered up envelope. crazy about you my friend.
Ya know, we all have our vices. We all have things that we're working on and that we struggle with... but I noticed a typo in your post that made me LAUGH. Or maybe you put it in there on purpose to see if we were paying attention?? "I could even toss my window out the TV and not even wince" I would LOVE to see you toss the window out the TV. Can I watch? Unless there's an R rated moving playing when you toss it... then I'll have to cover my eyes and just listen ;)
This one's gonna be long -- I apologize.
Our Mormon obsession with this non-commandment related to media consumption is just more evidence of our obsession with media. We don't obsess the same way about people who don't forgive or who don't study the scriptures (which are both true commandments). "Don't watch R-rated movies" will likely never be made a true commandment, because the prophet knows what we all know -- that the MPAA rating system is a very imperfect beast. In my opinion, it is our obsession with entertainment in general that should be the focus of any restrictions we put on ourselves regarding movie consumption -- we should look at the quality and morality of something before we watch it. I KNOW that a PG-13 movie glorifying casual sex is far, far worse for you spiritually than an R-rated movie that portrays the painful consequences of adultery. I would choose the latter over the former any day, if forced to choose. To put it more plainly, I KNOW that watching Austen Powers is worse than watching Lost in Translation. One has a deeply moral message, and the other does not.
However, I do observe the R-rated thing 99.9% of the time because I'm one who is especially obsessed with media and it's an easy, clear place for me to put my personal barrier against that obsession. Most of the best movies these days are R-rated, so cutting out R movies means I just watch fewer movies, which is a good thing for me -- it means I actually leave the house once in awhile. Having that personal barrier is easy when you're single and have only yourself to consider. It inconveniences my friends occasionally, but they're usually very understanding about it. Marriage is something entirely different, however, and I understand your position. My dear aunt, who is one of the strongest, most compassionate, non-judgmental members of the church I've ever known (and who is routinely called to stake RS and YW presidencies, if that adds to her cred), has a half-active husband who has brought home lots of R-rated movies since the early days of their marriage. She faced the same dilemma and made the same choice. Their marriage is very strong, they are each other's best friend more truly than almost any other couple I know, and over the last few years he has started coming back to church. Would it have been nice if he had changed his mind and catered to her preferences on that point? Yes, in a perfect world. Would it have worked out so well if week after week she had stubbornly sat in the kitchen and read the scriptures all evening while he watched Bruce Willis movies in the living room alone? It's impossible to say, but I doubt it.
The only thing that really ticks me off is when I see husbands bringing home violent movies that their wives are expected to watch in a spirit of unity, and then they refuse to watch the "chick flicks" their wives are interested in. Don't ask me to name names -- that's a whole other rant :)
LOVED your Garden of Eden spoof. I bet Jasper would try to pass the buck to Jake, if he could think of a way...
You, my friend, are the not only the reigning Queen of all things Muskadillo....but you're also the Queen Of Funny Analogies and fake dialogue with deity.
I just might make you a trophy for that. "And to Wynne goes my very special prize for best fake dialogue with a deity in 2007!" Yay!
I don't watch Rated R movies-that's sinful. I don't mind an X or XX every once in awhile, though.
I'm laughing, Wynne, at your thoughts on judgement day. My husband hates me often for not watching rated R movies. That's not to say I've never watched them (I have, very seldom, and it's a long, drawn-out, deliberate decision). My avoiding them is not because I'm "better" than my husband or anyone else; it's simply because I know myself. There are so many that I want to see, I know as soon as I casually watch one or two, I will then justify to myself the watching of a whole bunch more. So, I restrain.
My husband watches, but I do not partake either.
Does your husband watch them 24/7? Is there not some time you could cut out to spend time together if you miss him?
I kind of have the mindset that you do not do something just because someone else you like is doing it. Even if it's your husband.
If a prophet of God tells you, "No rated R movies", and your husband watches them- who are you going to go with? The prophet, or your husband?
I'm sure he won't be "roasted", but R rated movies aren't harmless. They affect your ability to commune with the spirit, desensitize you to violence, and can even change your attitude.
They just had an article in the August Ensign about this...
http://tinyurl.com/3c3246
Sorry, It was in the NEw Era.
My daughter is in the September New Era :)
I agree with you, and I agree with everyone else's comments. But I especially agree with Marie's comments about how arbitrary the ratings deal is. There's a ton of crap out there that is pg-13.
I think the issue is not whether or not we watch r rated movies, but if we can be obedient in all things.
If you were to look at our netflix queue you'd see about 1/3 old black and white movies, a third goofy junk I put in there (bollywood, etc.) and then quite a few r's. Some I watch and some I don't. Shazzy doesn't watch garbage--he's got very good/artistic taste, so it's not like it's shoot'em up, or T&A stuff. But that doesn't make it any less R rated. It's easy to justify that it's a quality R instead of a stupid R, you know?
Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man; but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man. (Matt 15:11)
We need to remember that it is not drinking the wine that defileth the man, but the ugly or destructive things you might do when you're drunk that defileth the man. There is nothing inherently evil about drinking wine -- if there were, Jesus would not be sinless. We are not defiled by watching the violence in the Church's "Testaments" movie, but we are defiled if we then go home and kill or fantasize about killing someone because we saw someone kill a prophet in a Church movie. We had the Word of Wisdom for 100 years before even the apostles all started taking it seriously -- it was "a word to the wise" during those years, but not a commandment, until Heber J. Grant made it an official commandment and a requirement for temple attendance during his presidency. That means it was NOT a sin under Church doctrine to smoke or drink during those first 100 years after it was revealed -- indeed, most of the church leaders used tobacco and/or drank and some of the apostles were actual alcoholics -- and were still seen as worthy to remain apostles. Some apostles viewed the W of W as as being more important than others, but even they couldn't agree one what was the most important part. For example, Lorenzo Snow felt limiting meat intake was just as important, if not more so, than abstaining from alcohol, etc. Did those who chose to follow the Word of Wisdom in those first 100 years see benefits from observing it before it was a commandment? Undoubtedly. It's an excellent code of health that keeps us well away from possible crippling addictions -- whether or not it's a commandment at the moment. But those who didn't obey that "word to the wise" were not sinners and would not have faced a judgment scene like the one in Wynne's post just because they disobeyed that counsel. They WOULD have faced a judgment like the one in Wynne's post if they disregarded the counsel, got drunk, and beat their wife. However, once Pres. Grant declared it a commandment, end of debate -- at that point disregarding the W of W becomes a sin for any baptized member of the church, whether or not they abstain from beating their wife after drinking. (However, it's interesting to note that we still don't lose any sleep over eating meat every week of the year -- which is, officially, breaking a commandment -- like we do for seeing R-rated movies, which is just counsel.)
I'm not trying to make a case for throwing out your Ensign or New Era and disregarding the counsel we get there. That's the whole beauty of having living prophets -- even though they may only occasionally reveal a new official commandment, they continually remind us of all the former commandments and give us additional counsel that will help us navigate the dilemmas that may seem peculiar to our times (though I don't believe there is really anything new under the sun when it comes to human nature and sin). Like I said, I personally obey the counsel on R-rated movies and feel like it has helped me in many ways. I also obey the parts of the Word of Wisdom that have been stressed by the most recent prophets, though I don't obey the other parts so well -- that's why I'm 10 pounds overweight, eat meat more often than I should, and still insist on having my winter peaches shipped in from the far ends of the earth so I don't have to limit myself to foods "in season" as the W of W tells us we should. And that doesn't keep me from getting a temple recommend or get me called into the bishop's office for reprimand. Am I making any sense?
And in Wynne's situation there's the delicate question of a core human relationship. Do you force your husband to move out if he refuses, in spite of your loving requests, to stop using vulgar language -- because it might cause you or the kids to start swearing, too? I don't see how that's different than saying "I won't spend time with you because you insist on watching other people swearing all night." The difficult test of marriage is to negotiate the distance between what our spouse should be, ideally, and what he/she currently is, and what bearing that gap has on our own spiritual progress as we try to stay connected with them. Luckily we have the Spirit to help us adapt counsel for each of our unique situations, and help us find personal solutions, or our divorce rate would be much worse!
I'm sorry to let my longwinded pet peeves kill the comments on this posting. I don't expect anyone will actually read this (I wouldn't read such a long comment), but I had to write it anyway.
Boy howdy! Did I hit a nerve or something? If you can believe it, I had this written in another journal where I think about stuff, and I posted this because I thought the Garden of Eden bit was worth sharing. I was honestly expecting comments on the line of “See you in hell, wynne! (I drink Dr. Pepper!)” or “While you’re there, would you give Hitler a good kick in the pants for me?” or even “The Secret Rapture soon, by my hand!” (what the crap--?)
But no. Except for Elastic, you want me to be serious. (I really should have known better than to post something about a hot-button issue. Whoopsie!) So, I'll give "seriousness" a try.
ABOUT RATED R MOVIES
I agree with most of you, you know. And Marie pretty much said everything I would have wanted to say, anyway. But just for the heck of it, here is another article that says everything I ever wanted to say about the topic but said it much better than I ever could.
Basically, for me, it comes down to how you feel when you're watching a thing, and it's up to an individual's agency and judgement to decide what they will or will not do.
!!And there are plenty of things out there without an R label that are sooooo not worth watching. And a lot of them are on the television, YouTube, and DVD--and don't forget the music, books, magazines, and web sites (like this one--an UTTER waste of time--what are you still doing here reading this?)
ABOUT ALL "EVIL" IN MEDIA
One rule that I have that can apply to everything across the board is this: sensitization vs. desensitization.
In other words, whatever it is that you are exposing yourself to, is it making you more aware of a problem or issue, or is it desensitizing you to that problem or issue?
Take violence. Saving Private Ryan, an R movie, is FULL of violence. But for me, when I watched it (husband next to me, of course), it was the kind of thing that fully opened my eyes to the horrors of war and violence. It sensitized me to it again to a point that I couldn't watch America's Funniest Home Videos and laugh anymore. It was an absolute blessing for me to be able to watch this.
Take "Kill Bill" by Quentin Tarantino. Also R. (I saw only parts of this on TBS.) Now that seemed to be a movie with absolutely nothing worthwhile to say. Mr Tarantino, apparently, glories in pointless violence simply for the "cool" factor. Dork.
So, though both have an R rating, and both have lots of violence, I would have to say that one had a very positive impact on me and ultimately helped me come closer to God, and the other, just the opposite.
WORD OF WISDOM ANALOGY
I think I want to add something more to Marie's Word of Wisdom analogy. Let's take a look at the caffeine thing.
FACT: There are plenty of LDS people out there who debate about whether or not it is okay to consume caffeinated soda.
Me, whenever I come across one of these arguments start to wonder if the world has gone mad. I mean, if they are really trying to follow the SPIRIT of the law by avoiding caffeine, it makes a heck of a lot more sense to me to avoid soda altogether. Caffeine or not, it is full of nothing but sugar, carbonation, and has no nutritional value at all. So what difference does it make? (I do drink soda on occasion, and when I do, it's caffeinated as many times as it is non-.)
Let's take a wee story about one of my brothers when he was a teenager. He came stumbling up to my neighbor's door, drunk as a skunk, and begged her to let him into her house. "My mom can't see me like this!"
Neighbor woman let him in, set him down at the table, and brewed up some coffee to help sober him up. When she set the coffee down in front of him, he straightened up in his chair, and slurred: "I can't drink that. It's against my religion!"
I think, sometimes, we're missing the bigger picture when we argue over the details.
ABOUT MORMON MISINFORMATION IN GENERAL
Have you ever noticed how quick we are as a people to spread doctrinal rumors? And how quickly they get around? And how we feel free to judge one another on whether or not people are adhering to what we've decided they need to adhere to?
Rated R movies; caffeinated beverages; if something bad has happened to you, it must be your fault (no, I'm not kidding, I have run across this in so many forms); Sacrament meeting is a great place for your children to showcase their talents; Holy Ghost is female (no, I'm not kidding, again); if you're depressed, it's because you haven't been reading your scriptures enough; and on and on.
I have been keeping mental and/or physical notes for the past few years of anything that I hear in church where the source is not cited. More often than not, people are spreading doctrinal rumors without checking their facts first. Oopsie.
ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS
And really, the delicate point at the center of this whole post is the relationship issue...what happens when you get caught between two commandments?
Don't tell me it doesn't happen. It happens all the time. Look at Nephi having to kill Laban. Adam and Eve ate the fruit because they were trying to fulfill one great commandment, even if they had to break another to do it. It's a delicate issue, and I think that is what God wants to see: what will we do with our agency?
Now, don't get me wrong. I am not only madly in love with my husband, but he's also an absolutely wonderful guy. A good guy. And even then, we occasionally disagree about a moral question (again, nothing major: it's like me not really believing that "hell" is a bad word to say, and he does).
I think that, for both of us, when that sort of thing happens, we choose FIRST to honor the covenants that we made when we married. Now, if I was trying to convince Jeff to rob a bank, I think that he would most likely follow the prophet instead of me. I mean, really. And in the R-rated case I mentioned, I think I am selective, I am careful, and above all, I'm really just doing the best I can to do the best thing I can for our marriage in general. It may not be perfect, but it's the best I've figured out how to do for now.
Also--I don't honestly believe that he's gonna roast--it was a JOKE, really! (Remember, the mormon version of hell doesn't HAVE flames? Hellooo? = JOKE)
FOLLOWING THE PROPHET
As long as we are on this topic, me friend Joanne sent me this (Hi, Joanne!). She said she got this from the Mormon Tabernacle Enquirer:
Local Man Arrested for Following the Prophet
Salt Lake City--A restraining order has been issued to keep local resident Doug Atwater at least 300 yards away from LDS Church president Gordon B. Hinckley at all times. Atwater claimed he was only doing what he had learned in Primary, to which the Salt Lake district attorney replied, "Did they tell you to follow the prophet in a Lincoln Town Car with the lights off?" Atwater admitted they had not, but he added, "They
never said I couldn't, either." Neither the church nor Atwater were
available for comment.
Atwater did, in fact, Follow The Prophet.....too bad he didn't listen to the next line, though, because obviously he went astray despite the song admonishing him with a rousing chorus of "DON'T go astraaaayyyy."
I didn't take your post seriously because we all have flaws. I have bigger ones than watching Rated R movies, that's for sure.
Anyway, I mentally chalked your writing up to 'Cheeky Wynne Does It Again!'
*ahem*
I didn't say I wasn't going to hell. I just left that part out. ;)
I suppose I could have said,
"Mmmm barbequed Wynne..."
But that would have been creepy.
Like Silence of the Lambs creepy. (Not that I've ever seen it)
Jeffrey Dahmer creepy. Maybe you would have preferred that.
Preferred? Hey, as long as you're coming here, I'll take ANYTHING you say, and take it gladly. Go ahead, try me.
And, yeah, elastic, I am glad you didn't take it seriously. (Heck--do you ever take anything seriously?)
I have so enjoyed the articles today. Great work.
Did you listen to NPR today, talk of the nation? They were talking about polygamists. How they see themselves as the true Mos ( and I noticed you used my NoMo term in your post and didn't give copyright notification--I'll see you in court).
Here's what I want you to write about next because I think you'll do a great job:
Discuss: why is it that Mos are so anti-polygamist in public? The reality is that we do see it as a higher law. But no one will say that on larry king when talking about Warren Jeffs, etc.
Well alrighty then.
swemofdghe slbnriuhnds
skroingirnv vowegpwed
Take that.
hi wynne:
nobody is perfect and everybody has different interpretations of everything. everybody has free agency and has to decide how they will proceed.
i like you JUST THE WAY YOU ARE and i love getting to be your friend. i have loved carrying around this gratitude journal you gave me for when i am away from my computer. you are awesome to me, so grateful for you :) kathleen
Frankly, I've watched PG movies that have disturbed me far more than PG-13's. Ratings are a good, basic guideline, but I think we need to use our smarts too.
Fascinating commentary here.
Wow.
Hope you like it hot.
hi my fav wynne:
i did a little shout out to you on my blog post last night (fri).
you so rock,
i totally enjoy you friend,
you always leave me smiling from your blog, your comments, your email, and your good mail. and your good mail is the best!
grateful for you friend,
kathleen
I come here to write, and I end up spending the entire hour and twenty minutes I had on other people's blogs. Figures. I can't keep up with the comments, either, 'cause now I have to go to bed, and the cat is meowing at me. But...
ELIZABETH-W
why is it that Mos are so anti-polygamist in public? The reality is that we do see it as a higher law.
I just finished reading the 132nd section of the D&C this morning, and though the sections states that you must be married to gain the celestial kingdom, it does not state anything about it needing to be a plural marriage.
People have often stated that plural marriage will be a sure thing in the celestial kingdom, but I kind of wonder about that--is that just more mormon misinformation? (mo-mis-info)
The only evidence I have uncovered about this particular doctrine is that HF seems to use it when he needs mo' mos--when he needs us to multiply and replenish. And there are plenty of scriptures that blast folk that have more than one wife...I have not found any evidence that you HAVE to be a polygamist to enter highest degree of glory.
This is something that I need to read more about, I suppose. As far as my guts go, I'll say hell no, I won't SHARE. I mean, really, how horrid is that thought of having to share your man with someone else throughout the eternities? (I know he'll like the other ones better than me. They will probably be nicer and spend less time on the computer.)
Then again, on the upside, it wouldn't be just me that would be expected to bear children as "innumerable as the stars." Hoooo-ly cow, I thought one was enough work. But an infinite number, for all of eternity? What I really want to know is this: will there be stretch marks in the celestial kingdom?
Please don't make me be more serious than that. I have so many silly posts planned...
Thanks for coming, let's move on to something silly. Please?
Sorry :)
I didn't intend to mean that we think you HAVE to. But, let's say a man becomes a widower. And he remarries. My understanding is that he can be sealed to a second wife, right? Or is that just for time, but not eternity? And if it were a woman could she be sealed for eternity to her second husband?
Now I'm wondering. I'll have to do a little checking, too :)
Let the silliness resume!!
let the games begin! :)
wynne: silly or serious, i totally enjoy you just the way you are. your notes to me yesterday made me smile.
chow, kathleen :)
"But, let's say a man becomes a widower. And he remarries. My understanding is that he can be sealed to a second wife, right?"
Yup. As long as she isn't sealed to somebody else, that is.
A woman can only be sealed to one man for time and all eternity. (And I don't even know where that is written down. Now I need to find it.)
My point was only that, as far as I can tell, a plural marriage is not required for the celestial kingdom, just marriage. Now, what have you got?
Same as you. The only thing as far as I can tell to get into the doors of the CK is a baptism certificate. I think the marriage part is for exaltation.
Pretty funny post! I'm a mo, so is my hubby, but he is inactive. So, watching a rated R movie is the least of my worries. ;)
What Marie said. And Wynne. Most church counsel just assumes that people watch movies solely for entertainment. There is usually a lot more going on than just "getting one's kicks." What people get from a movie (or any experience) greatly depends on what they bring to it. The R rule has never been in the "For Strength of Youth" pamphlet, probably for many of the reasons explained, along with our leaders' awareness that most of the Church lives outside the U.S., and most media lies outside the MPAA ratings system. I think we're on earth to use our agency to make tough judgments, not just to seek out more and more detailed commandments and then follow those commandments. (Many Pharisees missed that memo.)
Okay, I didn't read all the comments so maybe someone already said this, but the ONLY time the apostles have said "no R-rated movies" was when they were speaking to the youth (under 18 crowd that isn't supposed to watch them anyway). I didn't watch R movies for a while, then watched a few, stopped again, but now I will watch them if I'm comfortable about the content.
I'm pretty sure I'm not going to hell for it. There are just too many incredible, life-changing movies that I've seen to make me believe that R=evil. But if for some reason I am going to hell for watching Cinema Paradiso and Eternal Sunshine, you and I will have a great pity party together!
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